Confusion
by YoolieYick
Summary: What would have happened if Bella was still convinced that Edward came back to her out of guilt... Bella is trying her hardest not to fall for Edward again, while Edward is trying to get her to do the opposite... Picks up from the bedroom convo in NM. ExB
1. Prologue

**PROLOGUE:**

Bella's POV:

I had saved Edward from killing himself over my 'death'. I should be happy. I should be back with the one person I have ever loved, considering that he was back, as well.

I would be, too, if the reason he was back wasn't because he was guilty.

If that was actually why he was back. At this point, I didn't even know. I knew I was confused, and I knew that I had a splitting headache.

I also knew that I had just banished Edward from my room—permanently. He had left without much of a fight; it was a losing battle on his part. I, on the other hand, cried long and hard into my pillow the moment he was out the window.

Fourteen hours ago, I had arrived here, in Forks, Washington, in Edward's arms, from Volterra, Italy, after saving his life.

Before that even, I had been a shell of a person because Edward had left me. He had said he hadn't wanted me, that I wasn't right for him. It was entirely true, and I realized that, even though it didn't make things any easier.

Just now, Edward had assured me that yes, he loved me, and no, he wasn't here because he was guilty. I saw his face, though, and I saw the way he looked at me. The guilt shone through his perfect mask of denial.

The last thing I wanted to do was go back to him, only to be crushed again. Edward was amazing, it was true, but he was also unpredictable. I loved him still, I was 100 percent sure. I just didn't know if he loved me enough not to leave again.

So I'd told him to leave me alone, and that our relationship was over.

I don't know why I expected him to listen to me.

**A/N: So pretty much, Edward gets back from Italy with Bella. Edward tries to explain to Bella what really happened. Bella still is convinced that he was guilty about it... So she tells him to leave her alone for awhile. (And Bella is human... This picks up from the chapter where Edward is talking to Bella in her room at the end of New Moon... So none of the other chapters have happened... So that means no vote. Bella still is supposed to become a vampire, though...**

**And I solemnly swear that Bella is just really, really confused about everything and she is not going to be evil... Even though, in Edward's POV, it will sort of come off that way... I have plans‼!**

**Read, review and tell me what you think. I'm going to try my absolute hardest to stay in character with this story... So tell me what I'm doing wrong‼!**

**Or just tell me how much you love me! Either one, I don't care!**

**YoolieYick the Everything... I don't feel like typing stuff out... My fingers ache...**


	2. Shells

Edward's POV:

I stumbled out of Bella's bedroom window weakly, wondering what had happened to make everything go so _wrong_.

_You left_, I thought angrily. _You left Bella and now she thinks that you still don't want her. She thinks you're back because you're _guilty.

I _was _guilty—but that wasn't why I was back. I wanted Bella back because it had been painful to be away from her; I loved her too much. I wanted Bella back because she was the missing part of me that I didn't know had been gone before I had met her. She completed me.

Now, I was forbidden to ever 'set foot in this house ever again without permission' according to Bella.

As if I would obey. If Bella refused to talk to me at school, I would talk to her at her own home.

I knew where she lived, and I knew that the spare key was kept under the eave on the front porch.

I didn't look back as I slipped into the darkness. It didn't matter, really. I loved Bella more than anything, and I knew that she would see that eventually.

She _had _to.

At my house, which we were now fully moved into, I darted up to my room, avoiding everyone, hoping no one would follow.

Everyone got my silent message but Alice.

"You're not staying at Bella's tonight?" she asked, coming in behind me to sit on the couch.

I shook my head, unable to talk. Alice couldn't even begin to understand my feelings. I doubted that even Jasper could, if he had tried.

No one could understand how much the images whirling around in my mind could hurt me, except for Bella herself.

They shredded my dead heart to pieces.

_"You don't know what it felt like to lie to you like I had to, Bella," I had protested. "You have to understand. I left to protect you."_

_Bella had turned away form me. "You should leave, Edward. I can't take any more of this. You've already got my heart, and now you're holding my feelings in the palm of your hand as well__. What more can you take tonight?"_

_A sharp pain had ripped through me, but I'd managed to stay calm. "Your feelings?"_

_"You know exactly how to make me happy and exactly how to break me into a million pieces," she explained, her voice cracking. "Please leave, Edward."_

_I had stood up slowly. "I'll come over tomorrow, then."_

_She had sat up, curling her knees up so she could rest her chin on them. "Maybe we should... Maybe we should take a break form seeing each other. I know that I need to think some things over."_

_"You're dumping me?" I'd asked, my voice bleak and cold. I hadn't even really asked anything; I was stating it._

_Bella's eyes had widened a little, and I had noticed how bloodshot and watery they'd looked. Even still, the chocolate brown coloring was warm and inviting. I wanted more then anything to start over and be able to just hold her, and kiss her, like I'd used to be able to. _

_I was praying that she would suddenly smile and say, "Of course I'll forgive you!"_

_But she hadn't. And she wouldn't have either, not tonight._

_Instead, she had shrugged. "Sort of, I guess. You were right, you know. I'm not good for you. I never was. You shouldn't even _want _to be with me, even if it is out of guilt. Don't waste your time on me."_

_Bella? Not good for _me_? That was absurd!_

_Then what she had really said had sunk in. She _was _breaking up with me. She was telling me to stop watching her sleep, stop protecting her, stop holding her... Stop being around her 24/ 7._

_I had smiled, trying to treat it like a joke. "__You love me too much to forget about me, Bella."_

_"I'm a human, Edward. My mind is no more than a sieve. With time, I'll forget everything," she had replied calmly_

_I had sighed. "_I _won't forget anything, though. I love you too much."_

_Bella had met my eyes sadly. "Don't worry. Your kind is easily distracted."_

_She was repeating what I had told her in the woods when I had left. She was turning my own words against me._

_I suddenly had realized the full extent of what I'd put her through._

_"Like you said, we can make a clean break. I'll forget about you, you'll forget about me. Wash your clothes to get my scent off. You already took everything that reminded me of you. It'll work __out," Bella had whispered. I opened my mouth, but she had continued. "Besides, I don't want you to have to do anything you don't want to do. Without me a part of your life, you won't have to pretend to me. You aren't human. Now you won't have to pretend for my sake."_

_I winced. My own lies had come back and were whacking me in the face repeatedly. I was going to bruise. "Bella, you don't understand," I had pleaded. "That was all a lie. I just wanted to protect you. I didn't mean any of it."_

_She had hung her head and I saw her shoulders shaking with silent sobs._

_I inched closer to her, touching her back softly. "I'm sorry I had to lie—"_

_She had thrown herself off of the bed and towards the wall at my feather-light contact. "You need to leave, _now_. Don't ever set foot in this house without permission again."_

_My breathing had stopped all together. "You must be joking, Bella. I lo—"_

_Bella had collapsed on the floor in a pathetic ball. "Don't say it! I'm sick of all of this, Edward. You tell me you don't w-want me__ and leave. You expected me to be _fine_. I was a zombie; I can scarcely remember anything from when you left until January of the next year. Now you're back, out of guilt because I almost died because of you, and lie to my face by saying you love me again. You have no idea how much that hurts."_

_I had wanted to protest. I had a very good feeling that I _did _know what Bella had gone through._

_"Leave__ Edward. I'll see you at school. But don't expect me to talk to you."_

Alice looked at me worriedly. "She didn't forgive you, did she?"

I shook my head mutely. "She told me we needed a break. She dumped me." My voice was weak and shaky, something incredibly unusual for me.

Alice sighed. "Did you really think that she would just go back to you, after what you did? Give her some time. Show her you meant it when you told her you loved her."

"I tried, Al. She doesn't want to think that I actually _care about her_," I muttered, frustrated. "She told me that she'd see me in school, but not to expect her to talk to me."

My sister winced. "Harsh. She'll come around with a little effort. She truly loves you, Edward."

Shrugging, I sat down on my black leather couch. It smelled like Bella. "I need her, Alice. Without her, I'm a shell of who I should be."

A flash of anger went across Alice's face. "At least you'll be able to _see _her. How do you think she handled it when you left? You weren't around; she was left wondering what she did wrong. She blamed herself for you leaving. She blamed herself for _all _of us leaving."

I frowned. She should have forgotten about me, not wondered what she'd done to make me leave. She was supposed to get on with her life and forget me.

"Do want to know how she handled things, Edward?" Alice asked, still going. "The first week, Dr. Gerandy had her labeled as catatonic. Bella tore the stereo we got her out of her truck with her _fingers_. Charlie said that he found _broken CD's in the trash can_. She wouldn't read, she barely ate, and she wouldn't watch TV. She was a walking, soulless body, Edward. So _don't _try to sell me your sob story. If you ask me, you deserve everything Bella just said to you, whatever that was. _Bella _was the one who got broken. What she said to you doesn't come close to what you _did _to her."

I was surprised by Alice's outburst, almost as much as I was hurt by it. Every single word she said was true. "I already feel awful. There wasn't really any reason to rub it in more."

Alice sighed again. "I'm sorry. With a little time and a little effort on your part, Bella will—should—come around." She stood up and left, rubbing her forehead.

That made me feel a _whole _lot better.

Yeah, right.

Now, I felt even worse for leaving at all—if that was even remotely possible.

And I had to figure out a way to get Bella to see how sorry I was by Monday, or Mike Newton would be back to drooling over her.

Especially considering that she was now single.

**A/N: Okay, so basically, Bella comes off as a insert word that means female dog, starts with a b, and rhymes with witch... But she's not, really. As I said before, she's sooooo confused it's not even funny. Someone told me that they thought that Bella went back to Edward too easily after New Moon, and I agree... Even if it ****Edward, I would still have been a little suspicious about running back to him...**

**And Alice was a little bit mean to Edward, too... But like I made her say, he did sort of deserve it. Bella was way worse off than he was.**

**I'm going to make Alice the mediator between the two... She'll be the neutral side, the one that listens to both Edward's side and Bella's side...**

**And I hope you like this... And like it enough to REVIEW‼! Please??? ****Pretty please with a cherry on top???**

**---YoolieYick**

**Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine. If it were, I would be rolling around in the money that it profited. I am moneyless, so therefore, I am also Twilight ownership-less.**


	3. On a Deeper Level

Bella's POV:

When I stumbled downstairs that morning, after going back to a very rough sleep, Charlie was sitting at the dining room table.

It was a work day; Charlie shouldn't be home. I glanced at the clock.

Oh. I guess he did have a right to be home at 3 A.M.

"Sit," Charlie ordered. "We need to talk."

I obeyed instantly. "We do," I agreed.

Apparently, I hadn't slept as long as I thought I had. I had kicked Edward out around one, and fallen back asleep afterwards. How disorienting. I could have sworn I had been asleep for hours.

"Where have you been, Bella?" Charlie asked. "I was worried sick for three days! Why didn't you at least call me?"

I smiled weakly. "It was all a big misunderstanding, Dad. You see, I went cliff-diving awhile back with Jake, and Alice found out somehow. Al told Rosalie about it and then Rosalie told Edward... Edward thought I had been trying to kill myself, so Alice brought me to L.A. to talk to him about it. No big deal, honest."

Charlie digested this for a minute before nodding slowly. "Does this mean that they're all coming back now?"

I shrugged. "I think so."

"This may be hard, Bella, because I know how you feel about Edward... But I would really appreciate it if you... didn't see so much of him. I know you'll want to get back together, and I don't think that you'll want to do that, but I don't trust him, not after what he did to you..." I let Charlie babble on for a few seconds before stopping him.

"It's okay, Dad. I've decided not to go back to Edward after all," I said, surprised that my voice stayed calm. "Not unless he miraculously proves that he cares about me more than he showed me last fall."

Charlie looked shocked. "So that's it? After all those months of... _mourning _him, you're suddenly over him?"

"No," I sighed. "I still like him a lot. I just think that maybe he wasn't everything I thought he was. I expected m-more from him, I g-guess," I whispered, my voice cracking.

My dad smiled wryly. "Maybe you should spend some time with Mike Newton, or go down to see Jacob," he suggested. "It would keep your mind off of things."

I nodded. No one could truly keep my mind off of things, but I appreciated the effort form Charlie. He, at least, knew the _right _way to show that you cared about someone. "Thanks for understanding. That's why I love you so much."

Charlie hugged me awkwardly.

"I'm going to take a shower," I told him. "I'm not going to get back to sleep now. Have a good day at work."

From my room, I grabbed my toiletries and a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

I passed the still-open window, and dropped everything. A cold gust of air blew in my face as I reached up and slammed it down.

The image of Edward leaving was almost too much to bear. He had jumped out of the window gracefully, as always, and hadn't looked back with those pleading, black eyes. In the way he held himself, and in the way that he had looked at me that last time told me that he didn't want me to do that, to tell him to butt out of my life.

But I had done it, and I knew that it hurt him, though he was too full of pride to show it.

On a deeper level, I knew that he had been right. I loved him too much to forget everything we'd shared. At the same time, I also loved him too much to forget his icy face the day he'd told me that he didn't want me anymore.

On a deeper level, I knew that I had wanted to scream, "Don't go! Come back!" as he'd walked away. I knew that I didn't want him to not be in my life.

But he was only back because he felt bad about almost getting me killed, right?

I wasn't sure. I needed to talk to Alice. She could straighten things out for me.

After my shower and a few random chores I had preformed for Charlie's sake, I wrote a note explaining that I would be at the Cullen's and why I was there, in case Charlie came home for lunch.

Going to the Cullen's house wasn't a good idea, and I realized that. Edward was there.

But so was Alice, and I _needed _her. She was the only person I could talk to about this stuff, even though she wasn't really a person.

I could have always talked to Jacob about it, but I really didn't want to sit through his cheering that Edward and I weren't together.

The big, white mansion was the exact same as it had been when I'd seen it a few months ago, when I'd become masochistic in my zombie state.

Emmett answered the door. "Oh, hey, Bella. Edward's upstairs, in his room."

"I'm here to see Alice, not Edward," I informed him, my voice slightly colder than I meant it to be.

Emmett's eyebrows rose. "You don't want to see him?"

I shook my head. "Not particularly. Is Alice in her room?"

He nodded, but wouldn't let the other subject drop. "Why don't you want to see Edward?" Emmett was incredibly too curious.

Just then, Edward appeared at the bottom of the stairs. "Ask him," I suggested, pushing past Emmett and heading towards Alice's room.

When I walked past Edward, he reached out a hand to touch my arm, but I jumped back.

"Bella, I—" he started, taking a step closer.

I moaned. "Please don't talk to me right now. I can't handle it."

And it was true. I _couldn't _handle it. I would have melted into a puddle of tears if he had apologized one more time, or made any other excuses for himself.

I darted up the stairs and knocked on the door to Alice's room.

She opened it right away, barreling into me. "Bella! I was so worried you and Edward—"

"I need to talk to you, Alice," I told her. "This doesn't have anything to do with Edward."

Sort of.

Not really.

Alright, it had _everything _to do with Edward. I just needed someone to talk to _about _my dilemma. Which happened to _involve _Edward.

"Will you come to my house? I don't want anyone listening in, or 'hearing' this conversation." I made air quotes.

Alice got the picture. "Let's go."

I hadn't exactly planned on going to my house, but I had temporarily forgotten about a certain person's mind-reading abilities. It had slipped my mind with everything that had happened.

I didn't want to chance that Edward would listen.

Edward was arguing quietly with Emmett when Alice and I got downstairs, but they stopped when they noticed us.

"We're going to Bella's," Alice informed them.

Emmett grinned. "Have fun. It was nice to see you, Bella. Don't get hurt." He said the last sentence with a glare aimed at Edward.

Edward said something incoherent and the arguing began again, Emmett's hands balled into massive fists.

Alice shoved me out the door, an annoyed look on her face. "Don't kill each other please," she called after us as we walked out.

At my house, I took my note and shredded it while Alice sat down in the living room.

"Edward told me what you said to him," Alice said when I sat down next to her.

I bit my lip. "All of it?" I felt horrible. "I don't know what I was thinking, Alice. I hurt him. I didn't mean to, honestly."

Alice smiled gently. "I don't think that he meant to hurt you, either. Maybe you should give him a chance to explain himself."

My eyes filled with the tears I'd been fighting to hold back. "He doesn't want me. He said so himself."

"Why don't you tell me exactly what he told you when he left, Bella? I never have gotten the whole story." Alice glanced at me. "Unless you don't want to, of course. I won't make you."

The tears dripped down my cheeks and I hastily wiped them away. "H-he told me that he wasn't human and didn't want to have to pretend to be. He said that h-he didn't want me anymore." I sucked in a gulp of air. "He said that I was wrong for him."

Alice's face darkened. "I think he deserved your breaking up with him then."

I sighed. "He only told you we broke up?"

She nodded. "Was there more?"

"I threw all the stuff he said to me back in his face. I sort of repeated what he said to me. And he knew what I was doing, too. I could see it on his face," I whimpered. "But he was right, whether he lied like he claimed or he's just guilty now. I _am _wrong for him. He d-deserves better then m-me."

Alice hugged me tightly before releasing me. "Bella, honey, it's alright. Shh... Don't cry."

"I hurt him, Alice," I sobbed. "He didn't deserve it."

She laughed, and I stared at my fingers, playing with a stray thread from my t-shirt. "Trust me, he deserved it. Charlie told me how depressed and upset you were about us leaving. Edward deserved it," she repeated. "He knows how it feels now. Even so, maybe you should talk to _him _about it and work things out."

"No!" I shrieked. "Alice, please don't make me talk to him! I can't handle it. I'm tearing myself apart, Alice. I don't want to go back to him. He'll leave me again and... and..."

"So you think that if _you _leave _him_, that it will be easier?" Her voice was curious and not accusing in the least. I was grateful.

I nodded weakly, still not looking up. "At least then it's _my _choice. It won't hurt me as much."

Alice smiled. "Don't you think that breaking up with him might have hurt Edward?"

"I don't know. It's really sick, I know, but I almost wish that it would devastate him. Then I'd know that he cared about me," I admitted.

"I understand, Bella. I'm sure Edward would, too, if you gave him the chance to explain," she told me.

Wiping the rest of the tears off of my face, I looked up at Alice, but she was staring at something behind me, through the sliding glass doors.

I turned to look, but nothing was there.

But someone with super-human speed could have easily run away.

I was going to kill Edward.

If I ever spoke to him again. Because I was seriously considering not to.

* * *

**A/N: I almost had this posted earlier, but, like an idiot, I decided to check my email first... I had about 40 emails from fanfiction, being reviews, alerts, favorites, and stuff... I checked the mall, replied to some reviews, and then, by the time I finished, I had 20 new emails... All from fanfiction... I think everyone decide to read, review, and alert/ favoritize my stories at exactly the same time‼!**

**It was crazy... But slightly funny...**

**Anyways... I hope you liked this... I'm really struggling with making Bella stay in character while being not with Edward... It's harder than it looks, especially considering that she would most likely NOT have not gotten back together with Edward... But that's why I'm writing this...**

**Thanks you all for your wonderfully amazing reviews... I love them... And the people who write them... Just not in a stalker-y way, I promise.**

**So make me happy again and review‼‼**

**------YoolieYick**

**Disclaimer... I don't own the characters, books, or places... Too bad for me...**


	4. Black Is My Least Favorite Color

Edward's POV:

I was home in a matter of seconds. I burst through the door, gasping at my close encounter.

If Bella had seen me, I was screwed. She'd never take me back if she'd found out I'd been eavesdropping.

The good news was that she hadn't meant to hurt me, even though, in actuality, she had torn me to pieces. The good news was that Bella thought I hadn't deserved anything she'd said to me, even though, in actuality, I truly had.

The bad news was that she was refusing to talk to me about it. I knew that, if she gave me a better chance to explain myself than I had in her room, she would see exactly why I'd left and told her those horrible things.

The bad news was that she thought that I deserved better than her.

Esme entered the living room. "What happened?" she asked. Carlisle came in behind her.

"Emmett informed us that Bella didn't want to see you." His voice was full of disapproval, aimed at me. "Why is that?"

I sighed. "She broke up with me."

Shock flashed across both parents' faces. "Why?" Carlisle repeated. Esme walked forwards to touch my shoulder lightly.

"She thinks that I only want her back because I'm guilty about almost getting her killed by Laurent, Victoria, and then the Volturi," I explained, my voice dead and uncaring. I was tired of talking about this. The _only _person I wanted to talk to was Bella, and she wasn't speaking to me. "She sort of threw back in my face all the stuff I'd said to her last fall."

Esme's eyebrows rose. "She told you that she was moving?"

I winced at my mistake. My family (excluding Alice, who had just gotten the whole truth from Bella) only knew that I had told Bella we had moved, and not the other gruesome things I'd said. "I wanted her to think that I had moved on," I admitted. "I wanted _her _to move on. If she still thought that I loved her, she wouldn't get on with her life."

Carlisle frowned. "So you told her you didn't love her anymore? So she broke up with you? Did you apologize?"

"Yes, I _did _pretty much tell her I didn't want her, and she still believes it, even after I tried to tell her that was a lie. And I apologized too many times to count," I answered. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go upstairs."

Esme and Carlisle shared a look. Esme opened her mouth to speak.

"EDWARD CULLEN!" Alice screeched as she came through the door. She glanced at our parents. "I _need _to _talk _to him _now_, if you both don't mind."

Carlisle took one glance at Alice's murderous expression, nodded, and left the room, with Esme on his heels.

"Please don't scream in the house, Alice, dear," Esme called after her. "And make sure you watch your language. I have a feeling some profanity with emerge in _this _argument."

I stood patiently as Alice strode towards me. "What the he—"

"Language!" Carlisle said from the kitchen.

"ck," Alice finished, shooting an annoyed look at the kitchen door. "And can we have some privacy, please?"

Esme poked her head out. "Now, Alice, you know that the living room is a _public _area. If you want privacy, you'll have to go to your _own _room."

Alice growled.

"Alright, we're leaving." Carlisle dragged Esme upstairs to his office. "Carry on."

I glanced at Alice. "What the heck...?" I prompted.

She glared at me. "What were you _thinking_, Edward?" Alice stopped for a second. "That's right," she muttered. "You _weren't_."

"Did she see me?" I asked nervously.

Alice shook her head. I relaxed. "Bella isn't incompetent," she said. "She _knew _that it was you. You should have heard the things she said. Good luck getting her back now."Alice turned around.

"Hold it." She faced me again. "This wouldn't have happened if it hadn't been for _you_. _You _were the one that was staring directly at me."

"Don't you daretry to blame this one on me! Why didn't you tell her the truth in the first place? If you would have said, 'Bella, I'm putting you in danger, so my family and I are moving,' none of this would have happened!" she cried. "It you want a scapegoat, go look in a mirror!"

She was gone, leaving me stunned, but her voice echoed in my mind. _I'm sorry for being so brutally truthful, Edward. And I thought that I should inform you that Bella told me that she _was not _going to speak to you on Monday at all costs._

I spoke out loud, figuring that Alice could hear me. "What about today of tomorrow? I could go talk to her now, couldn't I?"

_No, _she thought back. _She went down to La Push. She's staying the weekend at Jacob's house._

The _weekend_? She hadn't ever stayed the weekend at _my _house!

I hissed in frustration. "I hate Black."

Alice laughed from her room. _You messed up_, she thought, and I could hear the hurt in her mind. _But if you work, you can get her back. I have faith in you. Besides, now you have an extra two days__ to think up something marvelous that will win her over._

"Black is still my least favorite color," I muttered. Alice was right, though.

Now, I had two days to work out every detail of how I was going to get Bella to fall back in love with me.

* * *

**A/N: Yay‼‼ I finally finished... I've been working on this the entire day, because I kept getting it ****It didn't sound right, so I'd start over... I typed and re-typed this about ten times... I'm still not entirely satisfied, but it's not as bad as it had been...**

**Read and review‼‼**

**-----YoolieYick **

**Disclaimer: Twilight and characters don't belong to me. They belong to Stephenie Meyer, the most amazing author that ever walked the earth.**

**Once again, READ AND REVIEW‼‼**

**And I'm sorry about the short chapter... I want to write about the weekend in Bella's POV, though... I also sort of wanted Monday to be in BElla's POV, too, but I can do it in Edward's... Maybe I'll split it, and do half-an-half...**


	5. Notes

Bella's POV:

Jacob and Billy instantly agreed to let me stay the weekend after they'd heard about what I'd gone through in the past day and why I didn't want to be home. I called Charlie, too, and he was overly excited.

"That's wonderful, Bells," he gushed. "You two will have fun, I'm sure."

I grinned. "Thanks, Dad. I've got to run home and grab clothes and stuff, so I can fix dinner, if you want."

Charlie laughed. "That's alright, Bella. I'm perfectly capable, you know."

He hung up.

I sighed. "Jake, will you come with me? I've got to run home and grab clothes and stuff... But I don't want to be alone."

Jacob hugged me quickly. "I understand. Let's go. Billy's making spaghetti for dinner."

The ride was fast and over quickly, and we got out at my house. By then, it was raining.

I ran to the porch as fast as I could without tripping and reached up for the key, unlocking the door.

The first thing I saw when I walked in was a bright, blood-red rose sitting on the dining room table, on top of a pile of... stuff.

I walked over and slid the rose to the side, to get a better view of what was underneath.

There were three pictures, one long box, and a CD.

Next to a note that read:

_These were under your floorboards. I was too selfish to leave without leaving something of myself behind. Alice told me that you were going to the wolf's house for the weekend. I understand.__Please give me a chance to explain when you get back._

_Just know that __I'll always love you, Bella, whether or not you love me back._

There wasn't a signature, but I didn't need it.

Jacob growled from behind me. "The _wolf_?" he demanded. "What the h—"

"You call him a blood-sucking leech," I reminded him.

Recognition flashed across Jacob's face as he glanced at the pictures. "Cullen." It was barely a word, distorted so much by his growling.

I glanced at the pictures again. There was one of Edward, smiling my favorite smile in our kitchen, on the night of my eighteenth birthday. There was he and Charlie watching TV, and then the one of him and me. The differences in character between the first picture and the second and third were painfully visible.

"It's the things he took from me when he left," I explained, picking up the clear case and looking at the silver CD inside. "This was my birthday present from Edward and Alice." I pulled the plane tickets in the box towards me. "This was the gift from his parents. He and I were supposed to go to Jacksonville to visit Renee."

Jacob stared at the table. He picked up the rose. "Material things don't win you over."

I looked up at him, almost expecting his eyes to be green with envy or red with anger.

His normal brown-eyed stare met mine. "They don't," he whispered. "Do they?"

Glancing once more at the table, I slowly shook my head. "No." I smiled weakly, taking the rose. "But it _was _a nice gesture."

Jacob gagged. "He left you, Bella. If that's what it takes for him to be nice to you..." He trailed off, shaking his head. "I'm nice to you _all _the time."

"I'm going to get clothes. Wait here," I ordered, ignoring his comment. Edward had always been nice to me, too, except for the last week before he'd left. Some birthday present _that _had been.

I took the stairs two at a time, throwing open my door, almost afraid of what I'd find.

Another note sat on my bed, next to a pale white freesia flower, folded up into a tiny square. I unfolded it and read it.

_I love you more than anything, and I'm sorry that I lied to you, but you have to believe me when I say that I wanted to keep you safe. It wasn't Jasper's fault for what he did, but it wasn't yours either. I blame myself for everything, no matter what anyone says. _

_By leaving, you shouldn't have been in danger anymore. I had no idea that I was leaving you behind with Laurent and Victoria and adolescent werewolves. __I'm so, so sorry. I left you in _more _danger._

_I'm sorry for what I put you through. I had hoped in vain that you would move on to someone else, but now that I look at it, I know that I would have died if you had. You have no idea how much it hurts to picture you with anyone other than me. I know it'__s selfish, but that's just how much I love you. _

_When I had to lie to you, in the woods, my heart ripped itself apart again and again. I saw your face crumble, and I watched as you fell to the ground and cried. I wanted so much to comfort you, to take you in my arms and never release you. It hurt me to see you hurt._

_Yesterday, Alice told me what Charlie had told her, while she was at your house. She said that the doctor had you labeled as catatonic. It hurt to hear about you that depressed, Bella. Alice told me that you broke all of your CD's and threw them away. _

_All because of me._

_I'm sorry, Bella, and I know that I deserved for you to break up with me. I deserved the things you said to me. I deserved having my own words explode in my face. _

_But even so, I can't bear to live without you. I followed you and Alice and listened in on your conversation. I swear I wasn't trying to __pry;__ I just wanted to know if, underneath everything, you still cared about me._

_I know that I don't deserve you, but __I care about you, Bella. And I will try my hardest to convince you of that. I promise to you, that if you would accept me back, I would never ever leave again, no matter the circumstances. I love you too much to just let you go._

_Be warned that __I'm willing to fight for you._

_------Edward_

_Oh, and next time you want to tell someone never to enter your house again, you might want to make sure they don't know where the spare key is kept._

I was trembling and tears were streaming form my eyes by the time I finished reading. I didn't know what to believe. I trusted Edward, and I wanted desperately to believe what he had written. Over and over, though, my mind saw his cold face and played over and over the things he had told me.

Why couldn't he have just told me _why _he had to have left?

I heard footsteps and turned to see Jacob entering the room. "What's up, Bella? You don't have stuff packed, and you've... been..." He stopped and took in my tears. "Did he show up here?"

I shook my head. "It's nothing." Wiping at my eyes, the note fluttered and caught Jake's attention. He grabbed it.

"That leech is going to hear from me," Jacob muttered, swearing. "He damn well doesn't deserve you, that f—"

"Stop!" I shrieked. "Just stop, okay?"

Jacob smiled wryly. "Sure, Bells. Let's get your stuff and get out of here before he comes and I rip out his throat."

I winced at the gruesome mental image. "Let's go," I agreed, packing stuff into a small duffel bag. I folded the note and slipped it inside, too, when Jacob wasn't looking.

Jacob turned back to me, his face completely livid with anger. "He's here, Bella."


	6. Confrontation

Edward's POV:

Jacob Black was here, I could smell it.

Bella was here, too.

I should have left, knowing that they were both here together, but I was too angry to think with any bit of intelligence whatsoever.

Jacob Black was here, _with _Bella.

I wondered if Bella brought him over just to taunt me. Whether she was trying to hurt me or not, she was doing a marvelous job.

When I entered Bella's bedroom, Jacob tensed and snarled at me.

Purposefully, I ignored him. "Guess what, Bella?" I asked, casually leaning back against the wall.

She looked at me, a mixture of annoyance and confusion playing over her face. She was adorable. "What?"

I smiled the crooked smile she had always used to love. "Black is my new least favorite color."

A shudder wracked through Jacob and Bella gasped, putting a hand on his arm. "Calm down. He's just teasing."

My eyebrows rose. "Am I?"

Jacob growled low and deep. "I would get out of here, Cullen, before someone's head ends up bodiless."

"Whose?" I questioned. "Yours?"

Bella was really fighting Jacob now, pulling on him to try and get him relaxed. "Jacob, it's alright." She glared at me, her chocolate eyes filled with fear. "Leave, Edward. Please. You're going to make him lose control."

I lowered myself to the floor. "It's funny, you know. I never lost control around you."

"Stop it," Bella hissed. "Just _get out_."

Jacob grinned mischievously. "That's right, isn't it? You just chickened out and left her."

Bella whirled to face Jacob now. "You need to stop, too."

"She wasn't supposed to be in any more danger after we left," I whispered. "She was supposed to be _safe_. I didn't know that I was leaving her protection up to a pack of _mutts_."

Jacob took a threatening step closer to me. "The only thing that is stopping me from killing you is the treaty."

I rose to me feet slowly. "How strange. That's the only thing that's stopping _me _form killing _you_."

Bella let out a weak whimper, and I turned to look at her. "Stop, please. I don't want either of you to get hurt."

Jacob ignored her completely, shoving her behind him. "You should watch what you say to me, _leech_. At least I don't kill innocent humans."

"If you morph in here, you're going to be responsible for Bella's," I reminded him. "I'd say that she's pretty innocent."

He bared his teeth. "She told me what she said to you. I would think that you'd _want _to kill her."

Want to kill Bella?

Even after everything she'd done to me in the last day, I'd never once even thought about killing her.

"I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I ever hurt her," I told him, my fists clenched at my sides.

Another shudder ran through Jacob.

"Stop, Jacob. Why don't you go downstairs," she said, shoving him. He didn't move an inch. "_Please_. I need to talk to Edward."

Jacob looked back at her, a betraying look in his eyes. "You're going to go back to him, aren't you?"

"No," she replied instantly. "Not now. I'll meet you downstairs after I get my bag. _Go._"

I was surprised when he obeyed.

Bella stood across the room, staring at me. "Why did you come here if you thought I was going to be at Jacob's all weekend?"

"I was by the police station and 'heard' Charlie talking on the phone," I admitted.

She frowned. "Why did you come over at all? If you read Charlie's mind, then you should have been able to know that Jacob was coming over, too."

I shrugged. "I needed to see you again." I cringed at how pathetic that sounded. "And I needed to talk to you again. I'm having withdrawals from being away from you for so long."

Bella groaned, rubbing her forehead and sitting down on the bed. "Look, I really can't talk right now. Jacob is downstairs, and it will only be a matter of seconds before he comes back up here."

"Can we talk on Monday?" I asked, desperate to work things out. "Please, Bella."

Her shoulders drooped. "I don't know," she whispered, looking up at me. "I don't know _anything _anymore, Edward. Everything I try to do ends up in a mess... and... I just don't know." Her shoulders shook, and she bit her lip to keep herself from crying.

I wanted to hold her. She looked vulnerable, like she could break apart at any second. I wanted to take her into my arms and never let her go. "It's alright, Bella. You don't need to cry."

"I'm not," she protested, her voice cracking.

A single tear rolled down her cheek. "Yes you are."

Bella wiped it away. "I'm a mess, Edward. Everything is confusing and nothing makes sense. Alice... I don't know what to think about Alice. One second, she was comforting me, and the next she was all angry and stuff..." She glared at me. "But I guess you already knew that."

Sheepishly, I smiled. "I _needed _to see you again. And I had to know if you still cared about me enough to accept me back eventually."

She sighed. "I need to go now. Billy probably thinks we've gotten murdered."

"Can we talk when you get back? Please, Bella. I need you to forgive me," I begged. "I need to know if you _will _forgive me."

Bella smiled. "We'll both have to wait and see, Edward. I don't know what to think right now. I got your notes, and I want to believe what's on them... But anyone could write something on a piece of paper and make it sound believable."

My heart broke again. "I meant each and every word I wrote, Bella. I love you entirely too much to lose you."

She shook her head slowly. "My heart wants to listen to what you say, Edward, but my mind keeps replaying every word you said to me in the woods when you l-left." A sob escaped her lips. "It hurts e-every time I h-have to relive it. You said you didn't want me, and you said that I was wrong for you." She rested her head in her hands. "I already knew that. It was impossible n-not to believe."

"It hurt me to lie to you, Bella," I insisted. "It may be hard to understand, but it truly did. It broke my heart to see you like that. Later, when I found out what I had left you to deal with... That had hurt just about as bad."

I heard footsteps on the stairs. "Please forgive me," I whispered. "Please."

Jacob entered the room and took in Bella's tears. He shot me a look of pure hatred. "What did he do to you _this _time, Bells?"

She shook her head. "N-Nothing," she mumbled.

He sat on the bed next to her, and pulled her into his arms, just like I had wanted to. It felt like a knife going through me when Bella _allowed _him to hold her tightly, so that she was leaning against him.

I looked away. "I'll see you later, Bella."

She had looked at me with sad, blood-shot eyes. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "I never meant to hurt you."

Turning away, I leapt out the window, not looking back as I disappeared into the shadows.

I would see Bella on Monday, and she would forgive me then, I attempted to convince myself. Just because she was staying at Jacob's house this weekend didn't mean anything. Nothing would happen between them.

It was incredibly hard to think about while the picture of her sitting comfortably in his arms was burned into my memory.

* * *

**A/N: Okay... This chapter didn't turn out exactly as I wanted it... But oh well, here it goes...**

**I am going to try to post another chapter tonight, but in case I don't, I want all of you to know that tomorrow I am leaving for vacation, and will not have access to a computer.**

**Which means no updates for a week. :( Sorry... I unfortunately don't own a laptop...**

**However, I DO have a ten hour round-trip car ride, so I can write in a notebook, so expect updates when I get back‼!**

**I'm also going to try as hard as possible to finish up my other story, ****Not**** Letting Go, soon, so I can dedicate more time to this one...**

**---YoolieYick **

**Disclaimer: This isn't mine. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer, who I might actually get to meet‼‼!**

**It's a long, complicated story that had to do with a book signing on August 7****th**** that's about 20 minutes away from my house...**

**READ AND REVIEW‼!**

**Soon, so I can actually check them... I am afraid of the emails I am going to get by the time I get back... Yesterday, I had about 60... **


	7. Non Firework Kisses

Bella's POV:

The weekend at Jake's was fairly uneventful. He worked in his garage a little bit, and I watched, telling him about random things. It was just like we'd done with the motorcycles, and Jacob's Rabbit.

It helped take my mind off of Edward, and for that I was very grateful.

I loved every minute of it.

On Sunday, at about seven, Jacob 'escorted' me home, with me driving my truck, and him following behind in his Rabbit. He walked me to the front door, but didn't open it.

"Listen, Bella," he said quietly, looking deep into my eyes. "I know that it'll probably happen whether I like it or not, but I really, really don't want you to go back to Cullen."

I opened my mouth to protest, but he shushed me.

"I don't want you to get hurt again. I don't think you fully understand what you were like while he was gone, Bella. You were... soulless, a walking, living, _dead _person. You didn't care about anything, you were always frowning... It hurt to see you that way," he whispered. "I care about you too much to let that happen again. Sam had told me all about _their _kind, too, and he says that they can't stay in one area for very long without people getting suspicious. What happens when he really _has _to leave?"

His question left me speechless. What _would _happen in a few years, when people started to notice that the Cullen's never aged?

I had already suggested going with, but _that _had ended up with me broken hearted and, according to Edward, it had been a lie.

So I shrugged. "I don't know, Jake."

He smiled, hugging me tightly. "You're an amazing girl, Bella. Anyone that could leave you willingly doesn't deserve you."

Uh-oh. I knew where _this _was headed.

Jake pulled away a couple of inches and stared at my face. "I would never do that, Bells. I would never, ever hurt you."

As he closed that distance, kissing me softly, I suddenly realized what would happen if I pulled away.

I didn't have a _reason _to break the kiss. I had dumped Edward for _good_. I wasn't mourning his loss anymore.

Jacob knew that.

I allowed him to kiss me, and I'm ashamed to admit that I kissed him back a little.

But I was thinking about Edward, and how different it felt to kiss Edward than it did to kiss Jacob.

With Edward, we had... something, like a chemistry, that had exploded between us like Fourth of July fireworks, creating an electric shock that built and built...

Until I had most often ended up doing something that had tested Edward's strength, teased the bloodlust that he fought, and he broke the kiss.

With Jacob, I felt like a drowned kitten, lost and completely alone. He kissed me gently, like Edward had, as if he were afraid that I would break.

Like Edward had. _Why _did that keep popping into my mind?

I suddenly realized that I felt horribly guilty kissing Jacob. An unusual pain washed through me, and I pulled away, breathing heavily.

Jacob ran a hand through his barely-there hair. "Sorry," he muttered. "I just _had _to get that in before you went back to the leech, Bella. I _had _to know what it felt like."

It had felt like nothing. I liked Jacob, loved him even, but the love I had for him was strictly brotherly, and that was it.

But he loved me _more _than that, and I could it in the way he looked at me. "I'll call you sometime, Bells. Maybe we could see a movie or something."

I felt myself nod weakly. "Bye, Jake. Thanks for having me over."

"No problem," he said, grinning. "We had fun, right?"

I nodded again. "I'll see you around."

He waved and practically skipped back to his car.

Now, I felt doubly guilty. I was guilty for kissing Jacob in the first place, and then I was guilty for feeling guilty about kissing Jacob in the first place.

I needed an Aspirin. A headache was starting, throbbing my temples like a Congo drum.

Letting myself into the house, I gave a quick 'hello' to Charlie and fled to my room.

I dropped my stuff on the floor and grabbed what I needed for a shower.

In the bathroom, I grabbed an Aspirin, popping it into my mouth and swallowing without the need of water.

Then, I took a long, stress relieving shower, washing my hair with my favorite strawberry-scented shampoo.

I crawled in bed when I was done, staring at the ceiling for a very, very long time, with thoughts of Edward, Jacob, and Non-Fireworks kisses in my mind.

The kiss that Jacob had given me had reminded me of everything that I'd had with Edward, in a very round-a-bout way. It had reminded me that we'd had something special.

Something that I would probably never find with another person for as long as I lived.

And that made me feel even worse about kissing Jacob. I should have stopped him, whether he had gotten hurt or not. Now, my admission that I had never liked him in _that _way would be even more painful for both him and me.

Around two in the morning, I had finally fallen asleep.

My alarm woke me up at five, giving me plenty of time to get ready. I took another quick shower, blow-dried my hair, and got dressed in jeans and a plain t-shirt in the color blue that Edward had said he liked.

_Why _did everything have to remind me of Edward?

I got to school early, and sat in my truck, staring into space.

Before the first bell had even rung, I heard a tap on my window.

I jumped, and turned quickly, blushing furiously.

It was Mike. I rolled down the window. "So I heard Cullen is back," he said. "Are you two back together?"

I rolled my eyes. Mike was a great friend, but he was so nosy and obnoxious sometimes. "No, actually," I told him, stepping out of the truck.

Mike grinned. "So, since you're clearly not upset that he's gone anymore... Would you like to hang out sometime? Go to a movie; have dinner, something like that?"

Over his shoulder, I spotted Edward, who was frowning angrily. He raised his head and caught my eye, raising his eyebrows.

"You know, Mike, that would be really fun," I began, watching as Edward's eyes narrowed. I wondered if he actually thought I would do something that cruel to him. "But I'm not exactly sure that Jessica would like that. There's this unwritten code among all girls that sort of says that you don't date your friend's ex."

Mike grinned. "Oh well, it was worth a shot, I guess." He turned and walked away.

Edward was at my side in an instant. "Do you enjoy torturing me, Isabella?" he teased, his voice light and musical. "Or would you rather see Mike dead?"

A wave of guilt washed over me again. I had kissed Jacob, and Edward didn't know.

I tried not to imagine what would happen if Edward _did _know.

I had kissed Jacob, and Edward being _friendly _to me, and not acting like I'd just dumped him forty-eight hours ago.

I shrugged, afraid to trust my voice and its steadiness.

Edward frowned a little bit, but his face washed smooth after an instant. "May I walk you to class?"

* * *

**A/N: Okay... This was not really a cliffy, but sort of a cliffy... I want the school day to be in Edward's POV...**

**And this really is my last chapter before vacation... But still review, because I love them so much... (And the amazing reviewers... Thanks for the awesome reviews‼!)**

**--------YoolieYick **

**Disclaimer: Not mine, unfortunately. **


	8. Not So Confessional Confessions

Edward's POV:

Bella bit her lip, a look on her face that told me that she was concentrating, or thinking very hard about what choice to make.

I had only asked if I could walk her to class. _I _didn't think it was rocket science... But then again, I was over 100 years old. I was around when the rocket was _invented_.

"If you want to," she finally answered, looking away.

I grinned. "I _always _want you, Bella," I responded, repeating to her what she had told me months ago. I chuckled as she blushed involuntarily, but she still didn't look at me.

I had decided that I wanted to let her know that the decision to forgive me was up to her; I wouldn't press or beg any more. If she wanted me back, she would come.

Instead, I was determined to act like someone who was just a friend, sort of like how Jacob Black was to her. Just a friend. Someone who _wouldn't_ try to kiss her every chance I got, like I _really _wanted to.

"So how was your weekend at the Black's place?" I asked, trying to start a conversation in the silence as we walked to her locker.

Bella's face seemed to visibly pale. "Fine," she answered indifferently. "Jacob worked in his garage, and I pretty much watched."

I nodded. "Did you do anything _exciting_?"

She looked at the ground. "Not really."

We stopped temporarily for Bella to grab a few things before turning to my locker across the hallway. "Was it nice to be somewhere it didn't rain?" I said.

Bella laughed, understanding my implication, but the sound seemed hollow and almost forced. "Alice saw the weather?"

I smiled in conformation.

"We weren't outside much," she went on. "Except for when he..." She stopped. "Never mind." I didn't miss the fact that her beautiful voice sounded stressed and anxious.

"Something is wrong, Bella," I said and she glanced at me nervously. "You can tell me, you know."

Bella smiled weakly. "I don't exactly want anyone's murder on my hands," she whispered. "Whether mine... Or someone else's."

I frowned. "Alright..." I trailed off, but she didn't elaborate. "And I would never kill you, Bella. Or otherwise harm you. I don't even think it's possible for me to be _angry _with you."

We walked into the classroom together, and I watched Mike Newton's face as confusion spread over it.

_She said they weren't together_, I heard him think, annoyed and disgruntled. _She's too good for Cullen. What a jerk._

Even though his previous thoughts had been about Bella, I knew that it wasn't _her _whom he was calling a jerk.

I choked back a laugh at his incredibly lame insults.

Bella sat down in her desk next to mine and rested her head in her hands.

"Are you sure that nothing is wrong?" I pressed, my protective instinct taking over. It would have been so much easier to pick the truth from her mind. I tried futilely, but was only met with the same blank wall like when I'd first met her.

She shook her head, and her scent hit me. I breathed in, luxuriating in it. "Well, something _is _wrong," she admitted finally, and my already-incredibly-sensitive ears perked up. "But I'd rather not tell you about it here. Can you come over to my house... later?"

"At least you'll be talking to me later," I teased.

Bella smiled weakly. "Yeah. But you can come over?"

Her words thrilled me more than was healthy. Did her invitation mean that she was going to forgive me?

"There's something that I need to tell you," she explained, her brown eyes downcast, focused on the desk as if were a fantastic scientific specimen.

I would have paid to have her stare that intently at _me_.

The teacher walked in, then, and began lecturing the class on something I'd studied many times already.

So I watched Bella, only listening half-way, in case I was suddenly called on to answer a question.

She was focused on her notebook, taking notes diligently. Her hair streamed over her shoulder and onto the desk, causing the light to shimmer off of it in some very interesting patterns.

She was entirely too amazing not to admire.

And I hadn't exactly been able to see Bella in a very long time.

The rest of the day passed quickly, with many more pointless topics and Bella-staring.

The nervous look didn't leave Bella's face all day.

I followed her to her truck, stopping in front. "Am I driving, or are you?"

Despite whatever had been bother ing her, Bella grinned. "Definitely me."

And she walked passed me and hopped into the cab of the truck.

I sat in the car, immediately noticing the gaping hole in her dashboard where the stereo should have been. "What happened?" I asked, even though I already knew. Bella had ripped it out.

But I wanted to hear her talk. And I wanted to hear what lie she would come up with.

She looked towards the window. "It broke," she lied.

"You're lying," I stated. "What _really _happened?"

Bella sighed. "I took it out." Her voice shook, giving away another lie.

"Why?"

She stared out the windshield. "Because I was trying to get rid of anything that would remind me of you so that I wouldn't have to deal with the pain of remembering. I couldn't bear to remember, but I didn't want to forget. It was nearly impossible." Her voice, which had started out fast, had slowed down. "It's in a garbage bag in my closet."

We reached her house and she got out. I followed her to the front door, watching as she sat down on the couch. I remained standing.

"I need to tell you something, Edward," she said, seconds after seating herself.

I smiled impishly. "So tell me. I've been trying to get you to all day."

Bella sighed. "Promise that you won't be mad," she insisted first.

I chuckled. "How could I ever be angry at you?"

"I wasn't worried about me," she protested, a pained look on her face. "More like... someone... else. _What _are you doing?"

I stepped in front of her, pulling her to her feet.

Bella allowed me to, a confused look resembling Mike's playing across her features.

But she, unlike him, looked adorable while she was confused.

And made the temptation to kiss her even stronger, which was barely possible.

I leaned forward, pulling Bella closer with my hands resting gently on her hips.

A look of pure fear—for something unbeknownst to me—shone in her eyes. "Wait, Edward, there's something I need to tell—"

Cutting her off with a finger to her lips, I leaned forward enough that our mouths were barely an inch apart. "Shh, Bella," I murmured. "It can wait. I don't care right now."

I moved my hand so that I was cupping her face carefully.

Bella shivered, her eyes wild. "But you need to know that—"

This time, I cut her off by pressing my lips to hers.

* * *

**A/N: Yay!!!! Minor cliffie... Which won't really be a cliffie, because, byt the time you all read this, I'll probably have more updated. I was dedicated and wrote a LOT over vacation.**

**Ha. I'm back from vacation, obviously... And now I'm updating... There shouldn't be much wait between these chapters... But make sure you review them both anyways... I also have a chapter of ****Not**** Letting Go that is ready to be typed, along with two more chapters in addition to this one for Confusion, which, yes, is the story you're reading right now.**

**So have a nice day, read and review. That way, EVERYONE gets to be happy.**

**------------YoolieYick**

**Disclaimer: Twilight is sadly not mine. ****Neither are**** the places characters, or sequels. **

**So suck it up. I'm NOT the best author in the world, after all.**

**As if I ever was.**

**NOT‼!**


	9. A Dust Bunny With Another Note

Bella's POV:

A jolt of electricity ran through me the second Edward kissed me.

How inconvenient. The time Edward finally decides to kiss was the time I was about to tell him about another kiss I shared with someone...

Someone whom Edward didn't seem that fond of.

I promised myself that I would tell him as soon as one of us pulled away.

I kept obediently still, never wanting it to end. I let my eyes drift closed.

Edward's hands pulled me towards him, close enough that I was touching him, in other places than just on the lips.

My head swam with my need to breathe and I forced myself to pull away, even though Edward tried to keep me in place.

I smiled up at him apologetically, panting. "You may not need to breathe," I told him. "But _I _do."

Edward's responding grin was dazzling, just like the rest of him. "You want to know what I need?" he asked.

Shrugging, I leaned against his chest, listening to the sound of his breathing and filling my nose with his intoxicating scent.

He lifted my chin. "_I _need to kiss you again."

I laughed.

Edward looked down at me, his ocher eyes gleaming. "Make sure you take a deep breath this time," he scolded sternly, but with a playful edge that I loved. He bent down...

And the doorbell rang, interrupting us. Edward snarled quietly.

I giggled, suddenly in completely high spirits. Something tickled at the back of my mind, something that I should be doing, rather than messing around with Edward... Something that I desperately _had _to do...

I just couldn't remember what it was.

"Delivery for Bella Swan," a guy wearing a blue uniform that resembled one of a janitor said as I opened the door. He handed me a bouquet of wildflowers and a small envelope. I stared down at them, leaning against the doorjamb, not able to process who would want to give me flowers.

The guy—who couldn't have been much older than myself, maybe nineteen or so—looked me up and down in a way that gave me goose bumps. I calmed myself by picturing Edward waiting for me in the living room.

"I'm Shane," the guy said, extending a hand. "And you must be Bella. It's _very _nice to meet you."

I had to admit, Shane would have been incredibly good looking... in other company.

Compared to Edward, he reminded me of one of those dust bunnies that you find underneath the couch.

Ignoring his hand, I smiled. "Yep."

He grinned. "So, you know who these are from?" he asked, gesturing to the flowers I held. "An admirer? 'Cause I'll bet you have _plenty _of those. You're boyfriend will be upset. Speaking of which, you got one?"

I blushed at his bluntness. "Um, well..." I stammered.

"She doesn't, actually," a musical voice said from very, very close behind me.

Shane's eyes widened before narrowing slightly. "Then who are you?" he demanded, seemingly unfazed by Edward's sudden appearance.

I grinned now. "Just about the closest thing to a boyfriend I could have."

"Who will most likely kill you if you don't get off the front porch and stop flirting," Edward piped in.

Shane chuckled. "Whatever, man. But rules say I have o give you our business card." He reached into a pocket and handed me a card.

Edward slammed the door, pulling me inside. "I don't think that he could have thought any dirtier thoughts about you," he groaned, rubbing his forehead. "It was revolting."

Laughing, I flipped the card over to find some messily scrawled handwriting. "He even gave me his number, too."

He growled, snatching the card and shredding it over the trash can. "You won't need it."

The scent of flowers drew my attention back to what I was holding. I found a vase and filled it partway with water, sticking the bouquet inside.

I sat down on the couch, and tore open the envelope, unfolding the slip of paper.

_Bella, _it said. The writing was blocky, written in a slanted hand.

_That kiss was something special, and you can't deny it.__ I felt chemistry, what about you?_

_I love you._

_See you soon._

It was short, sweet, and to the point.

And suddenly, what I was supposed to have been doing hit me with full force.

I had kissed Jacob Black.

And I had meant to tell Edward, I really had.

But he kissed me first.

Now, I had a very large headache.

Edward walked into the room. "Who are they from?"

"No one," I muttered, lost in thought.

Jacob was my best friend, and I didn't want to hurt him.

But how do you tell an incredibly sweet guy that you don't like him in _that _way, don't want to be his girlfriend, and that you didn't feel anything when you kissed him but an immense amount of guilt in a nice way?

Edward leaned over my shoulder. "I know you better than that, Bella. Who are they from? The pizza delivery guy?"

I couldn't laugh at his joke. I rubbed my forehead, shaking my head.

In a graceful movement that a gymnast would envy, he vaulted the couch and was sitting next to me, without so much as making me wobble from my position. "What's wrong?"

Before I could protest, he had snatched the paper from me and was reading it. His eyebrows rose. "Who's this from?" His voice was calm and undemanding, but I saw the hurt in his eyes.

I lowered my own, staring at my toes and not answering.

"Jacob," Edward realized.

Slowly, knowing I couldn't lie properly—not that I would have lied at all—with him staring at me so intently, I nodded.

"You're going out with him, aren't you?" he demanded. "Were you planning on telling me, or were you going to lead me on?"

The pain in his voice was nearly unbearable to hear, and I knew that I needed to set things straight. "I'm not _with _him, I swear. And it was just a kiss. I tried to tell you earlier..."

He looked away, his jaw clenched angrily. "When?"

"Excuse me?" I asked, unsure of what he wanted.

Edward didn't look at me. "When did it happen?" Each word was precise and clear.

"Last night, when he walked me to the door. But it didn't mean anything," I told him. "I felt nothing... Not like when I kiss _you_."

He stood up. "I should go home now," he said. "Bye."

I grabbed his arm, my breathing fast becoming hyperventilation. _No_. He _couldn't _leave me again. "Don't go, please." My mind struggled to come up with some reason to make him stay. "You promised... in your note... that if you had me back, you'd never leave again. You have me back; I forgive you. You _can't _leave." My voice was pleading and desperate. It bothered me, but I saw Edward's neutral mask cracking.

Sighing, he walked back over to me, kissing my forehead gently until my breathing went back to normal. "I'll be back later," he promised before slipping out the door.

At midnight, he still hadn't showed up.

So I went to go find him.

Carefully, I grabbed a sweatshirt and pulled it over my tank top, slipping on a pair of flip flops and snuck down the stairs so as not to wake Charlie.

My truck even seemed to start more quietly than normal—which was good. The last thing I needed was for Charlie to wake up.

I was at the Cullen's house in ten minutes, after missing the turn and having to double back.

Emmett answered the door again, with a happy grin on his face. "Bella, it's midnight, you know. Why aren't you sleeping?"

He took in my red-rimmed eyes (Because, of course, I had to cry about Edward not coming over before actually _doing _something about it.) and the smile dissolved. "Oh. Well, Alice is upstairs somewhere."

I stepped into the house and Emmett shut the door behind me. "I need Edward this time," I informed him.

Emmett's head cocked like a dog's. "But I thought that..." He trailed off, shaking his head. "Females," he muttered under his breath.

I giggled. Emmett always managed to lighten my moods. "Is Edward in his room?"

He nodded.

I wet upstairs to Edward's room, but paused outside when I heard voices.

"She _kissed _him!" I heard Edward say, his voice venom-coated, like his teeth.

A crash sounded and I winced. Edward must have thrown something.

Or punched something.

"Maybe it was Jacob's fault," Alice soothed in a calming voice. "Or maybe Bella hadn't meant for it to happen."

Edward snarled. "She still kissed him."

"Calm down, Edward," another voice, Jasper's, piped in. "You're giving me a headache."

Edward sighed angrily, and another tinkling crash sounded. "I hate these feelings," he growled. "I hate feeling... confused, like I don't know what is right. Sometimes, I think it would be easier if I'd never met Bella in the first place."

* * *

**A/N: My nice-ness ended. You guys get another cliffy... I'll update tomorrow, I promise. And I'll update Not Letting Go. But right now, I can barely keep my eyes open, I'm so tired.**

**So I'm going to bed.**

**Good night.**

**Sleep tight.**

**Don't let the bed bugs bite. (And in our science class last year... This year... Whatever. There was an actual bed bug. My friend said that it looked like the picture of the dust mite that was in our book. I refused to look. I would prefer NOT to have nightmares about what lives in my sheets.)**

**---------A very tired YoolieYick...**

**Yawn.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight not mine. Deal with it.**

**Read and review, please.**

**(Oh, and if anyone can guess where I got the name Shane from, I'll send over my invisible Edward to give you a hug, along with my brother, Ralph to make sure you don't kidnap him. My invisible Edward is my invisible Edward. Get your own. And Ralph is mine, too. And so is Mable.)**

**That is a long story, dating back to the time when I was about three. If you really want to know, I'll tell you.**

**But you probably DON'T want to know.**


	10. Again

Edward's POV:

Suddenly, the door swung open. Jasper, Alice, and I turned to look.

Bella stood on the other side, tears streaming down her flushed cheeks. "If you really felt that way, why didn't you just _tell _me?" she asked quietly, her soft voice still managing to reflect more pain than I'd ever heard. "I would have left you alone."

Jasper's eyes widened, and he glanced at me and then at Bella. He swore, pressing his fingers to his temples, hurrying out of the room.

Alice looked after him with a worried expression before turning to me, a furious-for-Bella, piteous-for-me look on her face and leaving also.

The second Alice disappeared, Bella turned, too.

But I wasn't going to let her leave.

Not without a lengthy apology and another good begging.

I sure knew how to really screw things up.

In a split second, I was in front of her, blocking her only exit. Her eyes flickered away from mine and towards my wall of windows.

When she looked back at me, I noticed that her eyes were rimmed in red.

She had cried over something before she had gotten here. I glanced at the alarm clock next to my couch.

12:15.

And I had promised her that I would come back...

I now realized why she was here. I also realized that I had _more _to apologize for.

"Bella," I murmured. "I'm so sorry." Hesitantly, I reached out a hand to tough her cheek.

When I made contact, with the lightest of pressure, she flinched away.

She hadn't even flinched away when _James _had touched her that way; I knew from seeing the tape he'd created.

A sinking feeling grew in the pit of my stomach. She was afraid that I would hurt her.

She was afraid of _me_.

I stared into her watery, chocolate eyes. "I won't hurt you," I assured her. "I swear it."

Bella shook her head slowly, and some of the tears spilled over. "It's too late for that _now_. You already did."

Her knees buckled and she sank to the floor, her head in her hands.

I shut the door carefully, not wanting any interruptions. I bent down in front of her, watching her shoulders shake as she sobbed.

Over me.

Again.

I reached out to her, pulling her towards me, ignoring the fact that she was struggling weakly. She needed comfort right now, and _I _was going to be the one to give it this time.

I wasn't going to let her run to La Push, Werewolf Capital of the U.S.A.

Or Jacob Black.

Whom she would probably end up kissing again.

I immediately banished the thought from my mind. Bella had said that the kiss had meant nothing to her. She said that she'd felt _nothing_.

And that it wasn't like when _I_ kissed her.

I was _trying _to believe her, really _trying_.

But it was hard. I felt betrayed.

And very upset.

"Calm down, Bella," I soothed, stroking her hair gently. "You weren't actually supposed to hear that, honest."

Bella looked up at me. "Which makes it better because then you're talking behind my back."

She had a good point.

I shrugged, fighting back the surge of anger that threatened to explode. "Why exactly did you kiss him, Bella? Is it because you don't care about me?"

Her eyes widened before filling with more tears. "I didn't have a reason to _not _kiss him, Edward. Jacob knew how broken I had been without you. And then I broke up with you... for _good_. That's a pretty big sign that I'm over you." She paused. "And I didn't want to hurt him."

"So you hurt me in the process." My voice was hard again, different form when I'd been trying to comfort her. "It's nice to see where I rank."

Bella let out another sob. "I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't mean for it to go that far! I was just saying good night!" She sounded close to hysterics. "I hate it when people are mad at me," she whispered.

Another thought entered my mind, pushing through so that it was clear. And it horrified me. "How far did it go?" I demanded.

If Black had gotten the chance to kiss Bella more thoroughly than I could, I really was going to kill someone.

Some_thing_. Werewolves don't count as people.

Bella's eyes stared back into mine curiously. "I don't know what you're asking."

"How far did the kiss go?" I asked again, making each word distinct.

Forget killing Jacob, _I _would die if Jake had _really _kissed Bella.

Because that meant that she had allowed him to. The thought made me shudder.

She seemed surprised by the question. "No farther than we go," she told me. "Because _I _stopped it. I felt guilty, Edward, even though I was... being... not with you." Bella looked away. "But it doesn't matter, since you obviously don't want me to want you back anymore."

I sighed. "How did you think I would take the news about you and Jacob, Bella? Did you think I would just be _alright_ with it?"

Bella sighed, more tears running down her cheeks. She wiped them away hastily, taking a few deep breaths to calm herself.

She then pushed out of my grip, sliding away so that we weren't touching anymore, as if suddenly remembering her position.

"I don't know," she finally answered.

I scooted closer to her. She watched warily. "How would you react if I'd kissed another girl?" I grinned, in spite of myself. As if _that _would ever happen. "Let's say Lauren Mallory. How would you feel if I'd kissed Lauren?"

Bella grimaced. "I _hate _her. She's such a b—" She checked herself. "Sorry. But she's _evil_. _Why _are you using her in this?"

My eyebrows rose. Bella was missing the very crucial part of my comparison.

Her eyes widened. "Oh." She focused on the floor, another tear rolling loose. She sniffed. "I don't like Lauren, you don't like Jake."

"How would you feel?" I pressed. "You'd be upset, wouldn't you?"

She nodded. "I'd cry. Punch my pillow. But I _wouldn't _wish that I'd never met you. I'd just wish that things had gone differently."

"What if you were talking to Jessica on the phone? What if she asked you what was wrong, right in the middle of when you were still trying to figure things out for yourself?" I asked, continuing. My voice lowered. "We all slip up sometimes, Bella. Sometimes we say things we don't mean. There's no Rewind button for the real world." I touched her hand. "If there was, I would have used it by now."

Bella smiled weakly, but I saw her hand twitch when I touched it. "But I had already explained everything to you, Edward. I had already told you that it hadn't meant anything to me... You should have stuck around and talked to _me_, and not come home to your brothers and sisters."

I drew my hand back and Bella visibly relaxed. "_You _talked to Alice, though. What gives you the right to _my _family, when _I _have no right to my family?"

"You heard our conversation, Edward," she shot back bitterly. "You should be able to spot the difference between 'I think it'd be easier if I'd never met Bella' and me needing Alice to comfort me over what I did to you."

Wincing at her tone, I thought that over.

And realized that she was 100 percent correct. There _was _a difference. Alice and Jasper hadn't been _comforting _me; they had been trying to _calm _me down.

Of course, Alice had been doing her fare share of comforting for Bella, but the circumstances were different.

"You're right," I allowed. "And I'm sorry for everything I said. I didn't mean any of it."

Bella swallowed. "Think about it, Edward. It was true, the things you said. I'm just... just... a worthless complication," she whimpered. "I'm sorry for wasting your time."

I shook my head frantically. "No. Whatever you are, it's not a worthless complication. Sure, my life _would _be easier if I hadn't met you... But have you ever heard me say that I wished for it to be any other way?"

She shook her head. "But you _did _say that you didn't want me. Doesn't that amount to the same thing?"

Self-directed anger battered at my insides. _Why _had I ever said that?

"I was lying, then," I insisted. "I swear."

Bella sighed again. "Of course," she said, her voice thick with sarcasm. She stood up. "I'm leaving."

"Then I'm coming with you."

Bella's eyes widened frantically. Then, they narrowed. "You shouldn't want to. You wish you'd never met me, remember?"

My brain struggled to come up with an appropriate excuse. "Victoria is still on the loose," I said. "I don't want you out by yourself."

"I got here by myself," she retorted. "Just fine, too, I might add."

I folded my arms. "I'm going with you, whether you like it or not."

She mirrored my action, a stubborn look on her face. "Fine. But don't expect me to talk to you."

I followed her out the door, annoyed with myself.

_Well, _I thought, _it's back to square one._

Earning Bella's trust back.

Again.

* * *

**A/N: I changed some stuff in this... ****So...**** Enjoy‼‼**

**And read and review, please. (Do you see how nice and polite I'm being?)**

**--------------YoolieYick**

**I actually don't have much to say...**

**Disclaimer: Sorry, I don't own Twilight. **


	11. Kettle of Problems

Bella's POV:

Edward followed me home.

And, for probably the first time ever (even from when I was 'over him') I was annoyed by it. I was eighteen years old, and didn't need a babysitter, no matter that he was probably the best looking one you'd ever find.

I was broken once again. The hole in my chest was back, aching furiously at what had happened tonight.

First, Edward had promised he'd come over, and then didn't, which cut a tiny prick of its own. He'd broken a promise.

The only time he'd done that before was when he'd promised me that it would be 'As if I'd never existed.' It was broken the moment he'd said the words.

And that reminded me painfully of the months he'd left me.

Then, I'd overheard him say that he thought it would be better if he'd never met me.

I had to admit, I agreed with that. Sometimes I wished that I'd never met me, either.

Now, he insisted that everything he'd said was a lie.

Overtop of the pain, I felt confused. I realized that I'd been a little overly harsh with him, moments before, but I also knew how fed up with the whole ordeal I was. I was sick of the 'I swear I'm not lying about this' and then seconds later 'Oh, sorry, I was lying about that.'

It made me upset how much control he had over my feelings, my heart, my everything. And what made it worse was that he _knew_. Every time he made his eyes smolder, every time he smiled that crooked smile... If he had wanted it, I might even have jumped off a bridge.

Or just gone cliff diving again.

The house was dark when I pulled up, which meant that Charlie was still asleep. That was good. I couldn't deal with an enraged Charlie _and_ my Edward issues.

More than anything, I wished I could close my eyes and wake up last September 13, so I could make sure I'd never get a stupid paper cut.

I grinned suddenly, despite my mood. A paper cut was what caused this.

My mood dropped again as I thought about it. _No_, I thought sternly. _A paper cut was what started everything that _Edward_ claimed._

He said he had left me to protect me, and not that he'd tired of me.

Confusion. That's all this was. It was a pot, a kettle, bubbling over, creating confusion everywhere the steam went.

Confusion and lots and lots of pain and hurt. Someone had added those to the brew, also.

When Edward came and tapped on my window, I was pulled away form my thoughts unwillingly. I was frustrated. My thoughts seemed to be the safest place to be right now. He opened the door.

"Do you want me to carry you?" he offered, after I had swayed a little from exhaustion. I _was _tired.

But I was also trying not to let Edward get to me. I didn't want him to be in control. I was actually surprised that I'd managed to resist this far. I had stood my ground, stood by what was right. He had hurt me, and I wasn't going to go crying back to him the moment he showed up again.

And then said some things that shouldn't have been said on top of that.

I was sticking by what was right.

The only problem was that I didn't know what _was _right.

Was right going back to him after he apologized, and believing him when he said he lied to protect me? Was right assuming that he wanted me, loved me, cared for me, even after he'd brutally ripped my heart out?

Or was right not going back to him, because he'd hurt me too much? Was right giving him the cold shoulder, ignoring him to the best of my ability, so he understood my pain?

But if what he said was true, then the last options wouldn't be right, they'd be wrong.

Confusion.

And frustration that I couldn't seem to be able to figure anything out.

Edward waved a hand in front of my face, and I realized that I'd been zoned out, lost in my own thoughts, again. Oops.

I wondered if he knew that he was the cause of all of my turmoil.

"I'll walk," I told him, moving past him and up to the front door. "I got _outside _just fine." I was careful to keep my voice neutral, careful to not be overly friendly, but not be overly upset, either. It was a delicate balance.

Edward sighed. "Bella. Charlie is asleep. You're not nearly as quiet as I am. I don't want you to get into trouble."

I shrugged, reaching for the key that had always been under the eave.

It wasn't there.

I whirled around to face Edward. "Where is it?" I demanded. "I know you have it."

He grinned impishly, making my heart speed up. It annoyed me. "I'll put it back when you let me not get you into trouble by carrying you up to your room."

Now, he was just being ridiculous. I told him so, but he rolled his eyes.

"I'm being serious, Bella. The last thing I want is for you to get grounded and then me not be able to see you," Edward said.

Again, my heart annoyingly sped up. He grinned, able to hear the affect he had on me.

For some reason, it didn't matter that I was completely annoyed with him. He _still _was able to make me react in funny ways.

Ways that pretty much proved my whole I'm-mad-at-you-so-quit-bothering-me act wrong.

Edward knew this. "Please? Don't you think I've lived long enough without you?"

I folded my arms over my chest stubbornly. "You'd come here whether I was allowed to have visitors or not."

He shrugged, allowing it. "Of course. It's not my fault that I can't live without you."

I didn't mention that he seemed to be able to do it when it involved 'protecting' me.

A memory barged through the wall in my mind, despite my weak efforts. I didn't want to remember anything about Edward, didn't want to be swayed in any direction of action, not yet.

Old memories of him and me, and what we'd shared made me _want _to go back to him, whether it was right or not.

But this one wasn't exactly a memory, really, more of an echo of Edward's voice in my mind.

_"I care the most, because if I can do it—if leaving is the right thing to do, then I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you, to keep you safe."_

More wild emotions swept through me. I remembered this day. It was the day after he'd driven me home from Port Angeles, after saving me from the four men who had been following me.

We had been discussing—arguing, more so—over which one of us had cared more about the other.

So what did his leaving mean? Was it simply that he _truly _cared about me enough to leave and keep me safe?

Or did he simply remember that day, and his confession, and pulled it back to use as a chance for him to escape from me?

I swayed again, nearly collapsing, but Edward held me up. "I'm carrying you, Bella."

At this point, I was fed up with his persistency. It was annoying, as I'd once told Jacob.

But I allowed him to hold me anyways, knowing I would have ended up asleep on the stairs.

* * *

**A/N: I am very, very satisfied with this chapter. Not much happens, but you get a really awesome look at what is going through Bella's mind... You can see why exactly she's so reluctant.**

**And I got a chance to tie the title in, too‼! Yay‼!**

**But you people still can't imagine how happy I am with this chapter. I love it. I love how Bella is all confused, and then she's super tired on top of that... It's one in the morning, by the way... I don't know if I mentioned it in the chapter itself... Oh well.**

**--------------YoolieYick**

**I hope you like this chapter, I really do‼‼ And I have oodles of time on my hands, so I might even be able to post another one tonight‼‼**

**Read and review, por favor... Which is please, in Spanish. I used to know it in French, too, but I forgot.**

**I'm still being polite‼! **

**Disclaimer: Sadly (for me, anyways) Twilight, etc. doesn't belong to me. I wish...**


	12. Even in Her Dreams

Edward's POV:

I scooped Bella up in my arms, trying not to notice how much I wanted to do _more_ than just hold her.

Right now, she was as unattainable to me as her thoughts were. I didn't want things to be worse between us.

As if that was even possible.

I made it to her room easily, silently, quickly, but, even so, Bella's eyes had drifted closed, and she had relaxed completely.

She wasn't asleep, I could tell, but she would be in a matter of seconds. I set her down on her bed, pulling the covers back and laying her head on the pillow.

"Thanks," she whispered.

I nodded, knowing that she was watching from under her eyelashes. "Go to sleep."

Bella made a sound that sounded something like a sigh, and rolled over.

I didn't miss that the roll turned her away from me.

I watched her sleep.

Every once in a while, she'd shift in position, and, eventually, I could see her face form where I sat in the rocking chair in the corner.

I had told her that the reason I had followed her home and was staying while she slept was that Victoria was still on the loose.

It was a very, very miniscule part of why I'd really stayed.

I stayed because I loved Bella, and that I found it was easier to breathe (even though I technically didn't need to) when I could see her. It was easier to focus on her than to think of the future, to think of the Volturi and Victoria still trying to kill her. It was easier than thinking of Jacob Black and his wolf pack.

It was easier to focus on Bella than on what had happened between her and Jacob.

I still couldn't believe that I'd told Alice and Jasper that my life would have been easier if I hadn't met Bella.

It was true, in a way, the more I thought about it. It would be _easier _if I didn't have to dedicate every single dead cell in my body to keeping her safe. It would be _easier _if I didn't have to worry about her plans to become someone like us someday.

It would be _easier _to not fight the urge to drain her tiny body every time I was around her.

But none of it would have been _preferred_.

If I hadn't ever met Bella, I would still be wondering what _true love _was. I would still be the odd man out, and still be bored with my never-ending life.

I would still be empty, something I hadn't even realized that I was, until I'd met her in the first place.

My life wouldn't have had a meaning.

It all sounded corny, even when I thought it to myself.

But every bit of it was true.

I felt terrible for saying that in the first place, and even worse that Bella had heard it. She didn't need any more reasons to hate me.

And I didn't need any more reasons to hate myself.

I had been upset... and confused. I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out _why _Bella had kissed Jacob.

I still couldn't.

Bella had said that she didn't have a reason to say no, and she truly didn't. Normally, when you break up with someone, it means you're over him or her.

But sometimes, it could mean that you're afraid.

Afraid that they'd leave you again.

Complicated was an apt word to describe everything that had happened in the last five days.

I had been upset enough that I had blurted out what had come to my mind first—which ended up being terribly hurtful. I had been upset enough to not think about what horrid lies I'd told.

Telling Bella that I'd never wanted her was the biggest mistake I'd ever made in my 100-year lifetime.

When I had been gone, I'd done _nothing_. I'd sat, thinking of _her_, imagining conversations with _her_, imagining what it would have been like if _she_ would have accepted me back with open arms.

My thoughts had revolved around Bella for the long months I'd been gone. I wished that she'd realize how head-over-heels I was for her.

I wished she'd forgive, more than anything else.

Even above that, I'd wished I'd never left at all. It had been a terrible decision, which had ended up potentially ruining _two _lives.

It had only been supposed to destroy _my _life, break _my _heart. I hadn't known—at least I'd hoped—that she would take my leaving, my _abandonment _so seriously.

My fists clenched. I wanted to hit something, punch a hole through the wall.

From the bed, Bella made a whimpering noise, and my ears immediately perked up.

She mumbled something incoherent, but, in the moonlight coming in through her window, I saw shiny water droplets on her cheeks.

Bella was crying.

I was at her side in a second, not daring to touch her, for fear of waking her.

If she was even asleep.

"Edward," she said, but it was more of a muffled sob. She frowned in her sleep. "No," she whispered. "You don't care. You never did. That's why you left me."

I paled visibly. Of course I cared about her. Even in her dreams, it hurt to think that she thought I didn't _care _about her.

"I don't want it to happen again," she continued. "It'll kill me this time."

Then, Bella drifted off into a deeper sleep, and didn't speak.

Even in her dreams, if she thought I would _ever _leave her again—whether she wanted me to or not—she was seriously delusional.

* * *

**A/N: Okay... I liked the last chapter so much; I decided that I wanted to get a look at Edward's thoughts, too.**

**So here it is. And, even though this one is a little shorter, I LOVE it, too.**

**And I was watching High School Musical last night****, and a similar thing happens to Troy, in regards to the whole saying things you don't mean thing, and having his girlfriend hear it...**

**And I just realized that last night... Hmm.**

**But, in HSM, Chad and the rest of the basketball team were ****to get Troy to say that stuff... But, as Gabrielle puts it, "No one ****him to say anything."**

**Whatever. I'm done thinking about that.**

**--------------------------YoolieYick**

**Read and Review, please!**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Enough said. **


	13. Lonely

Bella's POV:

I woke up to find Edward staring at me, an odd expression on his face. The unreasonable part of my body made my heart speed up, my breathing shallow, and the familiar heat rise in my cheeks, while the other groaned internally.

He chuckled at my reaction, and I looked away, clenching my jaw.

I tried to myself it was out of annoyance, and not really the fact that the sight of him made me want to grin like an idiot and throw myself into his arms.

_He doesn't want you_, I reminded myself, even though the look that he was giving me, with his topaz eyes soft and gentle, was trying to get it into my head otherwise. _He _said _he didn't want you. He said that his life would be easier if he'd never met you_.

I looked at the ceiling, trying to find patterns, holes, or anything to distract my wandering mind.

"We have school, Bella," Edward said quietly, in that thrillingly musical voice of his. "You'll have to get up sometime."

My heart sped up. Again.

I growled indignantly. "Fine. I'm going to take a shower." I walked to my closet and grabbed a navy-blue t-shirt. From a drawer, I grabbed a pair of older, faded blue jeans. It was an outfit that didn't need any thought, which was good, because I couldn't think with Edward staring at me so intently, memorizing my every move.

It was sad that I could tell he was watching with my back facing him.

The shower calmed me down, relaxing me. I scrubbed my hair thoroughly, focusing on the smell of the shampoo, rather than the vampire sitting in my bedroom, waiting for my re-arrival.

By the time I got out, I was almost convinced that the Edward problem wasn't a big deal. I was almost convinced that he didn't care about me, didn't even want to bother staying here, with me. I was almost convinced that he only followed me because, somehow, Alice had told him to. I was almost convinced that I was over him for real.

The moment I caught sight of him again those thoughts evaporated. This _was _a big deal, and it was impossible not to believe it in the way his butterscotch gaze held mine and made me want to stop breathing, just so I could focus more on him. The look he was giving me, which reminded me of the way Sam looked at Emily, diminished the thought he didn't care, even though I wanted desperately to believe it. It would be easier for him to hate me. Then, I wouldn't have to feel guilty. And he hadn't spoken to Alice. She had disappeared to no-man's-land with Jasper.

And I was most definitely _not _over him.

Edward smiled the crooked grin I always loved—and still did, though I refused to be swayed.

My heartbeat gave me away. Again.

I tried to ignore Edward's laugh, which was hard until i left the room and could no longer hear him.

Of course he had to follow me, still laughing. "You need to change clothes, too," I grumbled stubbornly. "People will notice if you go in wearing the same thing you did yesterday."

My gaze swept over him. Same tight, _very _form-fitting V-neck sweater and same, faded-in-all-the-right-places jeans. I raised my eyebrows, challengingly.

He remained unfazed. "That's why we're driving your truck to my house, and then driving _my _car to school."

A flash of annoyance ran through me that he just _expected _me to go along with this. I was going to put up a fight.

"No," I said. "I'm driving myself to school."

Edward shrugged. "No, you're coming with me. I'm stronger than you, Bella."

He had me there, but I wasn't giving up. He had to know that he wasn't in charge of my life, just because there was some potential danger and he wanted to follow me around like a puppy.

Not that I _minded_.

I wasn't going to say that to _him_, though.

"I'll do what I want," I told him. "Because, if you don't let me, I'm not speaking to you. I don't think I need any more reasons to be mad at you."

Edward winced, and I felt bad. Terrible, actually. When he responded, his voice was cool and calm. "Fine. Drive yourself. I'll see you at school."

And he turned around and started walking to the door.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I whispered, knowing he'd hear me. He stopped, but didn't turn around. "That came out... wrong."

He looked over his shoulder at me, his golden eyes sad and aching. "It's not like I didn't deserve it. Besides, you're right," he continued, straining to keep his voice light. "You're an independent person. You like doing things for yourself. Back in _my _time..." His voice trailed off and he continued to the door.

Edward was right. In his day, women just _didn't _do things for themselves. Sometimes he forgot that this was modern day, where women did almost anything men did. Just as I sometimes forgot that he was from a different century, where different things happened.

"If you really want to, I'll let you drive me," I allowed, still feeling remorse. "I'm sorry."

To my surprise, his back stiffened. "I know that." His voice was cold and cutting, different from his forced cheer. "And I believe you."

It was my turn to wince as I caught the double meaning behind his words. He believed _me _when _I _apologized, but _I_ didn't believe _him_ when he apologized.

Or, in other words, it was saying that he trusted _me_, and I didn't trust _him_.

But, honestly, how could I? I'd trusted him before, and I'd ended up a zombie for months because of it.

I couldn't remember a time I'd ever lied to Edward, either.

In front of me, Edward relaxed and continued to the door. "I'll see you at school, alright?" he repeated. "Watch some TV or something. Do something _normal_."

Muted by his sudden change in attitude, and in my sudden change of feeling towards him—from severe annoyance to remorse—I nodded and mumbled a weak "okay."

Then, Edward left.

I was alone, just like I'd wanted.

So why did I suddenly feel so lonely?

* * *

**A/N: Okay... I'm done...**

**And I have not much to say, except read and review, please.**

**--------------YoolieYick**

**And goodnight, to****o. It's storming and I don't want my files don't get deleted.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**


	14. Making Up

Edward's POV:

"Wait." I had already shut the door, but could easily hear Bella's voice. "Don't go. Come back."

I turned around, opening the door again. "Yes?" I asked politely. "What is it?"

Bella's brown eyes filled with tears. "I'm an idiot, Edward." Her voice shook and she sounded in pain. "I'm being mean. I'm sorry."

It stunned me that she looked so upset. I took another step closer to her. "You don't have anything to apologize for. You're independent. I should remember that."

She shook her head frantically, sitting down on the couch. "I'm not independent," she whispered. "I _hate _feeling alone. And I hate it worse when it's _you _that's leaving me alone."

I smiled softly, lifting my foot and ending up another step closer. "I feel the same way, Bella. Haven't you ever thought about it from _my _point of view?"

A look that resembled a recognizing-frown passed over her features. "I guess not," she admitted. "But I think I'd know what you're going through." Bella sighed, looking up at me. "Why did you say those things?"

"I wasn't thinking," I said sadly, willing her to believe me. "Do you remember the time I told you that we could never be...close...because I might accidentally lose control and crush your skull by mistake?"

She nodded, slowly. "Apparently, I can crush your heart the same way," I finished, chuckling. "I was just so... _mad _that you'd kissed Jacob... I felt terrible, like I wanted to _kill _something. I didn't want to believe that you'd _willingly _kissed him... But I can almost see why you did. He was there for you, when I wasn't. He comforted you, protected you, when I was too vain and selfish to—"

"Stop," Bella ordered, cutting off my steady flow of agitated words.

I stared into her chocolate eyes. "Don't you trust me?"

She smiled weakly. "I'd trust you with my life any day."

I didn't move, unable to comprehend why she wouldn't _believe _me earlier. If she trusted me, then why wouldn't she just come back to me? I'd already told her the truth about what I'd said.

"Trusting someone and believing someone are two different things, Edward," Bella whispered, after she watched the confusion on my face. "I trust you, yes, but I also know that there are things you can't tell me, things that you might have to lie about. It's hard to _believe _someone and what they're saying when they've been around long enough to perfect their lies a hundred times over."

I shook my head. "What can I do to make you believe me? You can ask Alice; she knew how upset I was. Or better yet, ask _Jasper_. He could tell you every little thing I was feeling."

Bella sighed, folding her arms across her chest stubbornly. "I know you didn't _mean _those things."

"Then what's the problem?" I demanded, throwing my hands up in the air. "_Why _can't we just make-up?" I lowered my voice so that it was husky. "I _miss _you, Bella." My eyes smoldered at her.

Her eyes widened for a split second before she closed them and looked away. "Cheater," she breathed.

I ignored her. "Bella, what we have is something special, something that can't be ignored. It's _true _love. Shouldn't that make everything better? We know we're meant for each other, it means that we should trust and _believe _in each other, no matter the costs."

"True love means that it hurts a hell of a lot worse when it blows up in your face," Bella objected sadly. "It means that the trust you have—had—in the other person is broken nearly beyond repair because it had been so strong before. It means that you _won't _be able to get over the other person like you would a _normal—_"

I cut in this time. "I get it, Bella. But the truth is, I love you. I don't care if you don't trust me, or want to go along with my lies, or truths, or whatever. True love is still loving someone whether they want you to or not."

Bella's chin jutted out defiantly. "Who said I didn't want you to love me?" Her tone was belligerent and... Angry? Why would she be _angry_?

"You don't show it very well," I told her, taking another step. I placed myself in front of where she sat on the couch, a mere foot apart.

She stood up and faced me. "Maybe that was the _point_. Why would you want someone to love you who doesn't _want _you?"

"Who said that I didn't want you?" I demanded, furious.

Bella glared at me, sadness only I could see showing in her eyes. "You did, actually."

"I lied. Bella, I want you more than anything in the entire universe." I took another step, smaller, so we were inches apart. "Don't you want me?"

She bit her lip, nodding slowly. "How could I _not _want you? I don't think that there's _one _female at school, staff included that _doesn't_—"

I tilted her chin up, towards me, and bent down, watching her reaction carefully. "You're the only one that matters," I whispered. Then, I kissed her, pressing my lips to hers softly.

Bella trembled, but otherwise stayed still, frozen.

I pulled back, still watching her. Under my steady gaze, she blushed, her cheeks warming. "This was a stupid fight, you know," I said conversationally. "We both got mad about things we _know _wouldn't really be true."

She shrugged, not speaking.

This time, I kissed down her jaw, being rewarded with another involuntary shiver. I smiled against her skin before kissing her again, this time with more pressure.

Bella froze again, her muscles locking into place, her hands clenched into fists at her sides.

Her reaction unnerved me. What happened to the Bella that used to throw her arms around my neck? I knew that my need was incredibly silly after all the trouble we'd had the last few days, but I _wanted _the old Bella to kiss me. I wanted to her to respond, at the very least. I wondered, somewhere at the back of my mind if she was hung up on Jacob for real.

But I banished it, not wanting to even get into that.

"What's wrong?" I asked instead. "You don't want me to kiss you?"

Bella stared at me in confusion. "I didn't want to make it hard for you."

I sighed, for once very un-thankful for my stupid boundaries. "Forget them, and just kiss me back this time, okay?"

She grinned, wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me down.

I knew what she wanted.

* * *

**A/N: Okay... So... I'm not happy with this chapter really**** (I'm super tired... But I wanted to update because I haven't in a while... I'm like dead on my feet...)****... Pretty much all that happens is that they realized that they're both idiots for being so stubborn about being apart... They know that they're meant to be together...**

**Read, review, and tell me what you think, please... And there will be a couple more chapters, only because I want Bella and Jacob to talk... That'll be fun to write... (And I swear I won't do any Jacob hating...)**

**------------------YoolieYick**

**Disclaimer: Twilight, etc. isn't mine, I swear.**

**Oh, and I would have had this out earlier, but my littel eight year old sister and her friend kicked me off the computer...**

**So now I'm super tired... And the result is a not amazing chapter... Yawn... I was also goign to update Not Letting Go... But I'm goign to bed. **

**Good night.**


	15. This Time

Bella's POV:

Edward and I stood kissing for a very _long_ time, until we absolutely _had _to leave so we wouldn't be late for school.

"I'll be back," he told me, kissing me once more, quickly, before darting out the door. "Wait for me!"

I obeyed, and was still sitting in the living room when he appeared at my side minutes later, with different clothes on.

I stood up, grabbing my raincoat and following to the passenger side of the Volvo, which he held open. "Thanks," I whispered, ducking inside, completely forgetting my earlier protest about him _not_ driving me to school.

He started the engine, watching me the entire time. "I need you, you know," he said, taking my hand. "More than you'll ever begin to imagine."

I smiled back at him. "I need you the exact same way," I informed him. "And that's part of the reason I love you so much."

Edward leaned over and kissed me softly. "I know."

At school, Mike Newton walked over and offered to carry my backpack. "What's up, Bella?" he asked, glaring at Edward, who was undoubtedly glaring back. "How's life being _single_?"

I shrugged. "I'm fine." I purposefully ignored the other question. "Being single is fine, so long as there's no one you want."

Mike grinned coldly, and it looked more like he was baring his teeth. "So there's _no one _you want?" he asked, teasing, but still curious.

I opened my mouth to answer, but Edward's arm encircled my waist before I could. "Why don't you quit pushing your luck?" he asked, his voice cold and threatening. "She obviously doesn't want _you_."

Mike's eyes widened. "So I suppose _you _know who Bella wants, then?" he demanded, regaining his composure.

In response, Edward bent down, pressing his lips to mine. I lifted a hand to his shoulder, pushing him away.

Mike turned his glare towards me. "You said that you two weren't together." His tone was upset and hurt. "You lied."

"He... um, _convinced_ me to give him another chance," I explained. Edward snickered. "And I decided that I might as well."

"Good luck to both of you," Mike stammered, walking away.

Edward looked at me, his face completely serious. "I might have to kill him," he confided. "He thinks things that he shouldn't be."

I hit him. "I don't care _what _he thinks. Mike is my _friend_, and you aren't allowed to inflict pain on him." I started walking towards the buildings, but Edward caught up, and stopped me with his rock hard strength.

"You have to prove to me that you don't care about him first," he said, an impish grin covering his face. "And you have to prove it _well_."

Weakly, I pushed around him. "Later. Now we're going to be late, no thanks to you."

Edward pouted on the way to class. "Please?" he begged, his eyes doing their job at trying to convince me.

Not that I needed any more convincing. The idea of _proving _to Edward just how much I loved him, and not Mike, was very appealing.

"Later," I stated defiantly. "After school. I promise."

He sighed, but stopped pouting and making his eyes smolder.

After school was over, I had forgotten about my promise altogether.

Edward followed me inside, so close I nearly tripped over him. "You're forgetting something," he told me. "Something important."

I looked up at him, confused. "Huh?"

He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close to him. "There's something you need to prove," he answered. "Because I really am not sure that you care about me more than Newton."

The light in his eyes, irresponsible and teasing was cute and made me giggle. "You really need me to prove it?" I teased back. "Because giving him the brush off for two years hasn't been enough?"

Edward shook his head. "Nope. And, now that I think of it, you aught to prove to me that you care more about me than Jacob, too."

"Maybe I don't want to, because you're being to persistent," I shot back. "It's annoying, Edward."

He faked a hurt look. "Now I'm in pain, too. You'd better do a good job."

I sighed. "I have to cook dinner for Charlie."

"Excuses, excuses. A promise is a promise, Bella," Edward said, locking his arms so I had no chance of escaping. "Now prove it, or I'm not letting you go until you do." Despite his humor, his tone was laced with a bit of a threat.

This time, I gave in, kissing him as passionately as I could within our boundaries. Edward moved one hand to hold my face, but kept the other around my waist, not allowing me to move.

When I broke it, we were both gasping for air.

"Very good," Edward said. "You prove yourself well. You'd make a wonderful lawyer."

I snorted. "I can't exactly make-out with every judge, now, can I?" I retorted, still breathless.

Edward released me, pushing me towards the kitchen. "I'll come back later to get my _other _problems cleared up. And you might want to call Jacob."

Wincing, I nodded. "What am I supposed to tell him?" He shrugged, making me scowl. "Some help _you _are." I grinned. "I know! I'll just prove to him how much I _just want to stay friends_ the same way I proved—"

"Absolutely not," Edward interrupted. "Or I'll kill him this time." The danger was evident in his voice. "Or tear his lips off."

I kissed him once more, herding him to the door. "Bye, Edward. I love you."

"I love you, too. And I'll be back," he warned. "So don't do anything you wouldn't do with me there."

I shut the door on him, retreating to the kitchen... And the phone.

When I dialed Jake's number, my fingers shook.

Jacob answered while I was grabbing ingredients for spaghetti. "Hello?" he asked, his voice excited. "Bella?"

"Hi," I said. "How are you?"

Jake laughed. "Wonderful, thanks to you. I can't get you out of my head."

A fresh wave of guilt hit me like a wrecking ball. "Yeah, Jake, there's something—"

"So do you want to go see a movie or something?" he asked, cutting me off.

I winced, nearly dropping the jar of Ragu. "I love you, Jake, but not in—"

"Gosh, Bells, I love you, too. More than anything," he responded, his voice elated.

"Jake, listen, I have to tell you something," I said, louder this time.

He stopped.

"I love you, Jake, but not exactly in the same way you love me," I blurted quickly, so he wouldn't have another chance to butt in.

Jake sighed. "What exactly do you mean?"

"I mean... That when we kissed..." I paused. "I didn't exactly _feel _anything. There wasn't _chemistry_, exactly."

There was silence on the other line.

"Oh god, Jake. I'm sorry," I apologized. "Really, truly sorry. I just..."

Jake's voice came back calm and not sounding surprised. "It's the other one, isn't it? The leech?"

My mouth dropped. "Well, yeah, sort of. Jacob, I really didn't mean—"

"Why did you kiss me, then?" he asked, non-demanding and curious.

This time, I sighed. "Because I didn't want you to leave me, like Edward did," I admitted. "And because I didn't have a reason _not _to kiss you, and that I didn't want you to get mad at me. I can't stand it when people are mad at me."

Jacob laughed wryly. "I'm sorry for trying to kiss you, Bella, and expecting that you would _enjoy _it."

"It wasn't like that, Jake, I swear—"

With a click, Jacob hung up.

I didn't try to call him back. I knew that he wouldn't want to talk to me.

If I were him, I wouldn't want to talk to me, either.

* * *

**A/N: Apparently, the last chapter wasn't as terrible as I thought it had been. Thank you to al of the people that reviewed and told me that it did NOT suck. **

**I like this chapter better, though... (Even though parts of it are almost sickengly fluffy... Yuck. But i love it!!!)**

**And I feel sorry for Jake.**

**--------------YoolieYick**

**Please read... And then please review‼!**

**Disclaimer: Not mine... Do I need to say more?**

**ALWAYS LISTEN TO THE BUNNY‼!**


	16. Argument

Edward's POV:

I returned later that night, curious to see how Bella's conversation with Jacob had gone.

I was also a little bit more than anxious to collect my dues—the kisses that Bella was going to use to prove to me that she loved me—not that I needed proof.

Bella was sitting on her bed, waiting, but something was wrong. Her eyes seemed sunken in, sad, when she met my gaze.

"What is it?" I asked, sitting down next to her and pulling her into my arms. One of my hands snaked around her waist protectively while the other brushed her hair back from her face. Her cheeks were damp; she'd been crying. Again. I frowned. "I shouldn't have left you."

Bella smiled weakly. "You needed to hunt, Edward. Staying around me twenty-four-seven isn't good on keeping you in control."

I noticed how she didn't answer my question. "Nice try," I said. "Now what's wrong? You've been crying."

"I'm going to La Push tomorrow," she whispered. "I _need _to explain to Jacob—"

The arm around her waist tightened involuntarily. "No. You don't _need _to explain anything." My voice was unintentionally rough, and Bella flinched.

"You don't understand," she tried again, a pained expression on her face. I wondered who the cause was. Jacob? Or was it because of me? Did she want to see that wolf _that _badly?

I pressed a finger against her lips, silencing the stupid request she was about to make. Did Bella not understand how _dangerous_ Jacob was to her? If at one moment he got too angry...

She would be toast. He'd injure _my _Bella possibly beyond repair, possibly even ending up _killing _her.

Yet Bella was willing to see him anyways.

"No, Bella," I corrected, my voice gentle but ferociously stubborn. "_You _don't understand. If at one moment he lost control..." I trailed off suggestively. "It would be the end of you. I can't live through that again."

Bella stiffened, her wonderfully deep brown eyes cooling. "It would be the end of me if _you _lost control at any one moment," she replied, her voice steady and matching mine in tenacity. "So why does it matter?"

She had a point, but I wasn't going to admit it. "Bella," I sighed. "Look, I can't protect you while you're over there. If you go to La Push and Victoria shows up..."

"Then the werewolves will protect me," she responded. "Edward, please. You can't come up with any more excuses and I _have _to see Jacob, explain—"

An enraged—but soft; I didn't want to alert Charlie—roar cut her off. "I'll _make _you stay. I know how much force to apply to stop you without injuring you," I threatened. "Don't make me resort to that, please."

Her soft eyes filled with tears, and my eyes widened. "You don't _get _it, do you?" Bella demanded. "I don't care how much _force _you'll use on me! I'll find a way to get to Jacob, or I'll die trying."

Raw emotion colored her tone, and she pulled away from me. I reached out, hesitantly, to wipe a tiny water droplet from her cheek.

She knocked my hand away effortlessly. "Don't touch me, Edward."

"I just want to protect you," I protested. "Jacob can _hurt _you, Bella. He's _dangerous_."

Bella turned back to me, her glare accusing. "Last year, when I came to Forks, that was all you tried to tell me. _You _said that _you _were dangerous, Edward. But I love you anyways. Why can't it be the same for Jacob?"

She loved him. I should have known. It took all the control in my body to _not _roll my eyes.

"Because he's _young. _He doesn't have the control Sam does, or even Jared," I pressed, knowing my excuses were getting weaker. I didn't care, though; Bella wouldn't leave my sight, and I wouldn't break the treaty. She was staying in Forks, and that was final.

Bella stood up, trembling, and stormed to the door. I followed, stepping in front of her when she tried to leave. "I need a _human _minute, Edward." Her voice was as close to a snarl as an average person's could get. "Or can you not leave me alone for that long?"

I stepped to the side, ignoring the last comment. She would understand if I had to figure out how to hypnotize her to get her to. "I'm waiting here. And you know how easily I would hear you if you tried to leave."

"Charlie's here," Bella warned. "I could casually inform him of that by screaming when you stop me."

I grabbed her arm, yanking her to me. "I will give you _one _hour tomorrow to see your _pet_," I growled. "But if you're not back, I'm hunting you down, treaty disregarded."

This wasn't exactly the option I had in mind, but Bella was stubborn, and I didn't want her angry with me. It was worse than not seeing her at all.

Her entire face lit up and she flung her arms around me, gasping. "Thank you, Edward! Thank you, thank you!"

Unable to help myself, I grinned, holding her against me. I bent down, pressing my lips to her sweet-smelling hair. Strawberries, like her shampoo, and freesias, like her delicious blood. I sighed, breathing in deeply.

She let go of me long enough to walk back into her room, me following me helplessly. I wondered feebly if she knew how much I needed her, depended on her.

Bella plopped down on her bed, leaning with her back against the headboard and her legs curled up so her chin rested on her knees.

Sitting down next to her, I remembered something, a thought from a while ago, until I'd been distracted. "You owe me, Bella," I reminded her. "Remember, I was in pain earlier, and you still need to prove to me how much you love me more than Jacob. And let's throw in another five for when you go down to La Push tomorrow and I'm waiting for you to come back, trying not to go down there and slaughter the wolves."

Bella blushed, looking away. "I think _you _owe _me _for being so stubborn and not wanting me to see my _best friend_."

"C'mon, Bella," I pleaded. "Don't get into that."

When she looked back at me, she was giggling silently. "I was kidding," she said. "But I _do _think you still owe me." She reached for me, and I surrendered, bending my head to touch my lips to hers.

An hour later, I had run out of reasons for her to continue kissing me. I groaned. "Now what?" I asked, poking Bella's ribs and making her laugh.

She shrugged. "It's almost ten," she stated, looking at her alarm clock. "And I'm slightly... um... _tired_."

I watched her sleep again that night, relieved when she didn't dream of anything I'd done to make her in anguish. She sighed a few times, but that had been all.

She really _must_ have been tired.

* * *

**A/N: Next chapter, Bella's in person conversation in La Push...**

**And I wasn't exactly sure how to end this chapter either... So this is the result... This was pretty much ****a filler**

**And there aren't many chapters left... And I don't want to drag this out so it goes on forever...**

**------YoolieYick**

**Disclaimer: Twilight, etc. doesn't belong to me. It is the sole property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Read and review‼!**

**And I was re-reading the first Vampire Diaries book... And Stefan Salvatore owns a Porsche 911 Turbo... It reminded me of Alice in New Moon...**


	17. Not A Tremble

Bella's POV:

Billy Black made it very clear that Jacob didn't want to see me, even though I was terribly persistent.

"Billy, _please_. If Jacob doesn't speak to me, I'll go back into that depression that Charlie hated," I threatened. "And I'll tell him it was _Jake's _fault."

Billy had merely looked up at me from his spot in his wheelchair. "Would you leave if I told you he was gone for the time being, staying at Embry's house?"

I shook my head. "Not unless you give me directions to Embry's house. And if he'll be home soon, I'll just wait."

He sighed. "Bella, Jacob doesn't want to see you right now. He told me that under _no _circumstances am I going to let you in."

I folded my arms across my chest. "I know how to get to the cliff. I'll drown myself. Jacob _knows _how strong that current is."

Billy glared at me. "Don't do anything rash, please. Hold on, and I'll see what I can do."

He shut the door on me, and I allowed myself a brief grin. In no way would I have ever _really _jumped off that cliff again, but if it got me to talk to Jacob, then I was just fine letting Billy believe it.

Jacob appeared at the door seconds later, stepping onto the porch, and shutting the door behind him. His expression was guarded carefully, and almost looked hateful.

"Look, Jake, I wanted to apologize," I said, reaching out to touch his arm. I pulled back when he turned away. "I shouldn't have let you kiss me, but I was afraid that—"

"That your filthy bloodsucker wouldn't get jealous and come running back to you?" Jacob finished angrily. "Because Bella only thinks about herself and _Cullen._ I don't understand why you like him so much, even after what he _did _to you."

I was offended that Jacob would even _think _I'd use him to make Edward jealous. "I was afraid you'd... get _mad_," I finished, just as spitefully. "I would _never _use you, Jake." I purposefully ignored the question about Edward, because, personally, I didn't know why I loved him so much. I _should _hate him, as I tried to do those first couple of days. I _should _still be avoiding him like the plague. I _should _be doing a lot of things, but for some reason, they all seemed stupid and childish. A life without Edward wasn't a life I wanted to be a part of.

Jacob's eyes widened slightly. "I _know _how to control myself. I _know _when to change and when not to. I wouldn't have hurt you."

"So you can honestly say that you wouldn't have been angry in the least if you had tried to kiss a girl who had just broken up with her boyfriend and was _free _and she rejected you and didn't want to kiss you?" I asked. "You wouldn't have been mad."

"Well if you put it _that _way..." Jacob sighed. "I saw you as a girl that was hurting and needed comforting. I saw you as someone who was _aching_. I just wanted to help out."

My shoulders drooped. "Kissing someone only qualifies as _help _when the girl is either going out with you or you _know _for sure that she has deep romantic feelings for you. I love you, Jake, but it's like a brother. Wouldn't it be uncomfortable for _you _to kiss Rachel or Rebecca?"

"_Why _would I kiss Rachel or Rebecca anyways?" he demanded.

I stared at him, my arms still folded. "You see my point. You're my very best friend. You're my _brotherly _figure. But I'm sorry to say that that's all we'll ever be. I'm sorry." By the end of my little speech, my voice had dropped to a whisper. "I know that you _love _me more than you'd love a sister... But in relationships, people should love each other equally, for the same reasons."

Jake looked over at me, his dark eyes still mad. "How are you here, anyways? Shouldn't you be off in some romantic setting with the _leech_?"

I froze, my eyes filling with tears. "Edward," I corrected. "The _leech's _name is Edward."

"You didn't answer."

I glanced at my watch, noticing that I had twenty more minutes left before Edward was going to come looking for me. "I had an hour."

Jacob made a growling noise. "Why do you always do what _Edward_ tells you to do? You have a brilliant mind of your own, Bella. Use it."

"I _do_," I protested. "It's not my fault that Edward loves me enough to want me _safe_. I have a _feeling _that he'll want to know if you kill me or not!"

This time, Jacob froze, and I realized what I'd just said.

"Oh, Jake, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!" My voice broke in the middle and I reached out to him. "Edward is just very _protective_. He doesn't like me being somewhere he can't be with me and protect me."

Jacob looked at my outstretched arms before looking at my face again, ignoring them. "What happens at night, when you sleep? Does he _stay _with you?" I could hear the scorn in his voice.

My face paled, knowing that if I told him the truth, Jacob would tell Billy and Billy would tell Charlie. Instead, I lied to the best of my ability. "Edward says that he stays outside, watching the house."

"And you believe him," he said quietly. "Just like you believed him when he tells you he loves you, even after he broke your heart."

I nodded sharply. "Without Edward, I felt empty," I admitted. "He's the person that I _live _for."

Jacob made another noise, pounding his fist against the house. "He's not even a _person_, Bella. He's _dead_."

I looked at my watch again. "Goodbye, Jake," I said, turning away and jumping off the step. "If I don't leave, Edward will break the stupid treaty you live by."

I felt a hand on my shoulder, stopping me, and then arms wrapped around me, hugging me tightly. "I wish we could be friends while he's here, Bella. I really wish that we could _stay _friends, so I could keep my promise. But we can't. Not with him around."

I hugged him back. "Me too."

Then, he released me, and I got into my truck, waving at Jacob's cold face as I backed out.

In fifteen minutes, I was home, late by nearly five minutes. Five minutes I was sure that Edward would have been waiting, sitting up in my bedroom, trying to convince himself that attacking La Push would _not _be a good idea.

Sure enough, Edward was sitting on my bed, staring at something on my ceiling very intently. "You're late."

"Five minutes," I said. "I had to drive home _safely_. My truck doesn't go nine-hundred miles per hour."

Edward grinned, pulling me over to sit next to him on the bed. "How did it go?" he asked, twirling a strand of my hair around his fingers.

My eyes filled with tears. "I have to choose between you and him, according to Jake. I can't be friends with him _and _be with you."

He nodded. "When that kid isn't about to explode, he's fairly sensible. You _can't _have relationships with both of us, unless you want me to go crazy. I won't have you down at La Push where I can't get to you easily."

"I don't understand why my life is so _complicated_," I whispered. "I wouldn't want to change anything... Except for the fact that Jacob and I can't be friends. _That's _one thing I'd change in a heartbeat."

Edward wrapped his arms around, pulling me onto his lap. His nose wrinkled. "Jacob's scent is all over you, Bella. Did he kiss you again? Or..." He trailed off suggestively, raising his eyebrows.

I smacked his arm, making a disgusted face. "He _hugged _me, Edward," I explained, rolling my eyes. "It's not my fault that you have issues with werewolves and how they smell."

He smiled, kissing my hair. "Go have your human minute," he suggested. "And then _I'll _kiss you, and all memories of Wolf-Boy will be forgotten."

I got up obediently, grabbing pajamas on my way out. The shower was hot and relaxing, and I let the steam surround me, envelope me, help me forget all my worries.

Then, I realized something. Throughout my entire conversation with Jacob, he hadn't trembled once.

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**A/N: Okay... I was nice... There's no big cliffy... And I'm going to start wrapping this up... There isn't much more that needs to happen.**

**Read and Review‼ Please**

**--------YoolieYick**

**Disclaimer: Twilight and associated book and characters are owned by Stephenie Meyer. I am not Stephenie Meyer; so needless to say, I don't own Twilight or associated characters ad books.**


	18. Drunk

Edward's POV:

Somehow, in the time it had taken for Bella to enter and leave the bathroom, she ended up sobbing, tears streaming down her cheeks.

I leapt up the moment she left, glad to be able to do so, after hearing her cry for nearly half an hour. I had actually been tempted to go _into _to bathroom—despite how potentially mortifying it would have been for both of us. I was willing to do anything if she would have stopped crying.

"What's wrong?" I demanded, staring into her water-filled eyes. "Did you hurt yourself?"

Despite her feelings, she was able to laugh, however sad and depressed the sound was. "How can someone hurt themselves in the shower?"

I shrugged, pulling her to my chest and sitting down on the bed, adjusting her onto my lap. "You could slip on soap and fall out," I suggested, running my cool fingers through her wet hair. "Or you could sing and then get distracted and fall out. Or maybe—"

She pressed a finger to my lips, which I kissed tenderly. "You are a very large pessimist," she whispered, snuggling into my chest, tears still falling down her cheeks. "A very, very big one."

My arms wrapped themselves around her tighter. "What's wrong, love?" I asked quietly, nuzzling my face into her hair, breathing in the strawberry scent of _it _and the freesia scent of _her_. "I'll understand, you know. I'm slightly good at that kind of thing."

Bella sniffed softly, wiping at her eyes. "When I talked to Jacob..." Her voice quivered, trailing off. I rubbed her back, silently urging her to continue. "He _appeared _angry..."

I had a feeling that 'appeared' was the key word. "So he wasn't really mad at you, Bella?" I pressed. "How do you know?"

"He didn't shake or tremble or anything," she whispered. "He was hiding his _real _feelings by pretending to be mad at me." Her light voice shook, but, since she was already as close to me as she could possibly get, I couldn't hug her any tighter. "I feel so _awful_, Edward. I'm a terrible person, and should never have let him kiss me."

I shook my head. "You could never be a terrible person. Not even if you _tried_. And Jacob would have kissed you anyways, with or without your permission. I know that from listening to his thoughts when I'm around him... Which is rare, but the point is still there. I would've ripped out his brain if it could have stopped the things he was thinking about you."

Bella smiled weakly, raising her head so she could stare at me. "You only think I'm a good person because you're not Jacob Black and you can't _think _like Jacob Black. You're probably rejoicing because I finally told him about what needed to happen."

My dead heart flipped over, wondering how she could think so low of me... It also stung me a little that her accusations were true. I _was _happy, but not because she dumped Jacob. I was happy because she was back to being the overly sensitive I'm-a-mess-up Bella. "I don't think that," I assured her, kissing her lightly on the lips. "Would it help if I told you that I think Jacob had every right to be hurt about you kissing him and then wanting to take it back?"

She winced, and I wished that I hadn't said what was on my mind. Lately, my mind had been getting into trouble, making me say things I hadn't thought over. I wondered where my careful skill of watching what I said went to, resolving to be much more careful from now on. "I'm sorry, Bella," I murmured, touching her cheeks lightly. "I always say too much when I'm with you. That's one of the problems."

Bella smiled, recognizing one of the things I'd told her when she'd sat with me at lunch, back a year ago. "It was true, Edward. You never say anything that's _not _true."

"Except when I lie, or blurt out stupid things that are by no means the truth." I grinned, hoping Bella would dismiss this as a joke as well as I had.

She did, giggling slightly. "I've already forgiven you for those. There's no need to cause yourself pain by bringing them up again."

I nodded, lifting her easily, beginning to push her into her quilt, but paused, remembering a promise I'd made earlier. "Before you sleep..." I pulled her back towards me, resting my forearms on her shoulders. "I believe that it is my duty to make you forget about Mr. Black, my least favorite color. Don't I?"

Bella's eyes widened and her face flushed, eyes cast downward.

"Would you like me to wipe your memory?" I asked, still gazing at her perfect face. "Or would you like to have nightmares about this tonight?"

She looked up at me, her eyes narrowed. "Thank you so very much," she answered sarcastically. "I'm glad you have so much faith in me."

Without answering, I took her face in my hands, watching with caution as her breath hitched, speeding up rapidly. I sighed. "Deep breaths, Bella," I said, and she gulped in a slow breath of air, letting it out just as slowly. Then, she sat still, staring at me, while I stared at her, equally emotionless.

Finally, I leaned forwards, capturing her lips with my own, taking them prisoner for as long as Bella's lung capacity would allow. I drew back slightly, allowing her to breathe, before kissing her again. I grinned at the fact that she sat purposefully still throughout the entire procedure, like someone afraid—or merely ever wanting me to stop. I would be happy to oblige if it was the second. I wouldn't _need _heaven if I could kiss Bella for all eternity.

Eventually, her arms wound around my neck, and her hands tangled in my hair, much like mine were already tangled in her long brown—and still wet—hair. I didn't stop, continuing to kiss her, even when her scent filled my nose enough that _I _was suffocating in it. I pulled away from her lips, moving her hair away, and brushed my lips along her neck, feeling the beating pulse and filling every sense with Bella.

When I raised my head, after running my lips across her jaw, unable to resist the little shiver that was the result, she looked almost woozy. And slightly drunk.

Suddenly, I was struck with a disturbing thought. If _I _could do this to her, what would she do with actual _alcohol_? I shuddered at the thought of Bella and _drugs_.

"What is it?" she asked.

I grinned, pushing her down on her pillow and lying next to her. "Maybe you should get a really good night's sleep tonight, so you won't look like you have a hangover in the morning."

Bella grimaced at me, curling into a ball against me, drowsing of before I even had to hum her to sleep.

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**A/N: So sorry for the long wait in updates... I was preoccupied with things... Many things. For example, Eclipse, which I have already finished... Since yesterday... Ha. **

**Speaking of which, you should be reading THAT and not my crappy story. Actually, I don't think it's crappy, not at all. So don't respond to that comment. : )**

**----------------YoolieYick**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is able to come up with clever ways to make her characters act. My ideas aren't all second-hand, but most of them are based off hers'. This means I don't own the characters. Duh.**

**Read and review, please‼! I need 30 more reviews for this one to pass up my other story, Not Letting Go‼! So I need as many reviews as possible‼!**

**"Don't you love me?" (If anyone understands the significance of that last quote, I'll send over Invisible Edward to give you a hug‼‼) **


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